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Spoiler Warning S5E18: Nothing Happens!

By Josh
on Wednesday May 18, 2011
Filed under:
Spoiler Warning


Sometimes, on Spoiler Warning, we manage to nail an episode and fit just about everything you could want into it: making fun of major plot events, meeting important NPCs (and killing them), and finding ways to make Reginald Cuftbert’s reputation even more absurd.

And then other times we manage to bring the perfect collection of circumstances together to create an episode wherein absolutely nothing of consequence happens and everything that’s being done is in the interest of getting to something of consequence which inevitably happens just after the end of the episode and ends up at the beginning of the next one.

This is one of those episodes.

Link (YouTube)

Of course, episodes where nothing happens tend to make for perfect platforms for us to throw the commentary dial directly to “inane” and cram in as many drinking-game references as possible. You’re welcome. We’re sorry.

Comments (163)

  1. Jeremy says:

    Heh, I actually like episodes like this better than action packed ones…

  2. Deadpool says:

    What accent is Cass supposed to have? I’m not exactly a linguistc specialist, so not sure what Nothern Californians are supposed to sound like…

  3. Talson says:

    I just learned on my latest play through, that if you don’t kill him, the person who gives you the mark of caesar is Vulpes Incatta, the guy who burned Nipton. I also learned that you can get his back story by talking to Caesar and he’s actually quite famous.

    Also, when he said “you will receive additional benefits and perks” I originally thought he meant actual perks. Maybe one that would give you a discount with NCR or admittance into the Rangers (I’m seriously bummed that you couldn’t join them, I miss that from FO2). The reward is just kinda… meh.

    Shamus, ninety degrees? Really? That’s not that hot… Then again, I was born and raised in Texas and not Pennsylvania. I remember when I visited upstate NY and found out there were people who thought eighty was hot and didn’t own air conditioners.

  4. Alexander The 1st says:

    It sounds like Bethesda made House their Railroading Troll for this game.

    “Oh what, you deactivated my Security Bots and made an attempt to kill me and foil all my plans? …That is insignificant in the long run, it means nothing.”

    EDIT: And just got to Josh starting the drinking game…

    EDIT ^2: I think that toilet joke was during the canned episodes, perhaps.

    EDITL ^3: At 14:45, is Josh joining us in the drinking game mid show? – though Mumbles should’ve joined it. Would’ve been interesting.

    • Vect says:

      Actually, blowing up the Securitrons will piss him off since that actually matters directly to his plans.

    • Eärlindor says:

      EDIT ^2: I think that toilet joke was during the canned episodes, perhaps.

      Yeah, I don’t recall this joke ever being told earlier as well.

    • Entropy says:

      This game is made by Obsidian, not Bethesda.

      But yeah, the Yes Man is so much more fun to get quests from.

    • Eric says:

      The main quest really doesn’t make much sense and would have been a lot more fun if you could more royally screw over the people you’re working with. First House insists Caesar is crucial to his plans, then when you kill him it means nothing? You give the Followers access to his data and he thinks that you’re still fully committed to him? It seems like they weren’t able to properly reconcile certain choices the player could make with the story and his character, and ended up hand-waving it as a result.

      • Hitch says:

        The main quest makes perfect sense. You track down Benny and do whatever it takes to kill him for shooting you in the head. Anything you do along side that or after that is just random stuff to fill time in the Mojave Wasteland. What else are you going to do? Sit around trying to sell dinosaur toys?

  5. Patrick the Unscrupulous says:

    “Four comments. Fantastic”

    I see what you did there. I get it, it’s very clever.
    How’s that working out for you?
    Being clever?

  6. Vect says:

    Thing about killing Caesar is that he has a line of succession. Boone outright tells you that killing him doesn’t automatically bring down the Legion (but he can’t here for obvious reasons). Lanius becomes the new Caesar in his place. It’s going to crush in the LONG term but in the SHORT term it’s just going to piss them off.

    Not so much that killing Edward is useless but the Legion will still hold together long enough for Hoover Dam. House just doesn’t care about the Legion in the long term. He just wants them out of Vegas. Afterwards they can go rot in whatever ditch they crawled out of for all he cares.

    Vault 21 (the Casino Vault) has a Snowglobe at least. Also, one of the Omerta quests leads you there to find a guy which leads to the main Omerta quest.

  7. Johan says:

    I sort of like Cass, but she talks too much, in my opinion. When I had Boone and Veronica, they only spoke when they had something to say about our surroundings. Cass seems to repeat “glad I left the Outpost” “Caravan of two now” “Careful if we go off the road” “Don’t mind trailblazing” waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more often then those lines warrant. Also every time I crouch she says something like “badguys won’t see us coming,” yes but they will HEAR us if you don’t stop talking.

    Just my little gripe.

    • Tzeneth says:

      Having the NPCs talk every time you crouch drives me insane.

      • Hitch says:

        Some companions are incapable of sneaking, so the ones who can say something so you don’t have to look around and check on them.

      • TSED says:

        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.

        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.

        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.

        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        “I think you should go.”
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        “Seriously, it’s – ok, you know what?”
        Don’t worry about me, deary, your grandma knows how to keep quiet.
        >>Difficulty: Hardcore
        Lily has died.

        • Dumbledorito says:

          This is an opportunity to make the game ‘harder’ for those who rely on traits or perks by making an “STFU” that you have to select if you want your companions to only speak when spoken to by you or the plot.

    • Eric says:

      I think she talks too much, but for a different reason. Namely: her voice actor is terrible and she has absolutely none of the haggard charisma that her script hints at.

      • Classic says:

        I dunno. I think that’s what she’s trying to do here. I think she’s trying to convey that by sounding tired.

        And she does sound tired. Problem is her acting is subdued to the point where if you’re not listening so hard you might just be wishing it there, that’s all you hear. How tired she is.

        Her dialog has some decent voice acting, but the artistic direction here, in general, seems to be, “Less is more.”

        Excepting the robots you don’t seem to have too many characters with much personality injected into the voice.

  8. Chris B Chikin says:

    This is the reason I like the odd empty episode. Sure, the gameplay’s dull, but the banter between the three of you gets a lot better.

    …And I mean that in the nicest way possible :)

  9. Hitch says:

    Episodes like this aren’t well suited to the drinking game. That would just be fatal. We need a scoreboard to track which cast member is doing the best job of trolling the other three.

    Rutskarn failed at trolling Mumbles with the “nuclear winter” quote. He tried too hard and her defenses were up. She put up a good counter-troll by getting him to keep repeating it to emphasize how unfunny it was.

    Josh did a good job with the “I know Vegas” shtick. “Yes, we know, Josh.” “But let me tell you even more.”

    Shamus retreading old ground about his precious Nuka-Cola Quantum. If it means that much, go back to Fallout 3 where it meant something.

    But today’s winner was Obsidian for perfectly timed and frustrating view ganking.

    On a completely separate note. Crocker’s typing reminded me of some NPC (I can’t remember who) who was sitting at a terminal typing when I talked to them, except the terminal was burned out with a broken screen, But they just kept typing like it was doing anything.

    • Kibbin says:

      I don’t know I’d give Mumbles credit for such a clear and obvious troll that Ruts seemed to fail to get, like at all. I wonder how long it would have gone on for if they hadn’t moved on.

    • Daemian Lucifer says:

      “On a completely separate note. Crocker's typing reminded me of some NPC (I can't remember who) who was sitting at a terminal typing when I talked to them, except the terminal was burned out with a broken screen, But they just kept typing like it was doing anything.”

      Maybe he was out of that joke:
      Two guys walk into a newly established firm,and the secretary leads them into the directors office.The guy sits at his desk,and talks on the phone:
      – Dont offer more than 2 million for it.Yes we need it,but they dont know that.Thats right,2 million.Now go get them.*click*Now,how can I help you gentlemen?
      – We are from the phone company.We came to connect that phone.

  10. Vipermagi says:

    You know, I have never found Crocker. I had no idea he was in there. Even my genocidal character hasn’t visited him.

  11. Rayen says:

    okay because i actually plan to play the drinking game can someone post a list of all the rules with the new additions since it’s original form?

    Also 90 degrees is not hot. especially in the desert. Course i came from Texas where the average temperature between April fools and Halloween will probably 95 degrees. still aim higher for hot.

    Of course this is Fahrenheit and not Centigrade/Celsius.

  12. Eärlindor says:

    Okay, I know this is a little late to be asking this, and maybe someone else asked in comments from previous episodes, but I’m going to ask anyway–it’s been bugging me since the beginning:

    Why oh WHY does the Legion pronounce Caesar like the German word “Kaiser”??

    • Hitch says:

      That is apparently the original Latin pronunciation. Seezar is wrong, but more commonly heard today. Caesar sounds like Kaiser because Kaiser is the German form of Caesar.

      Edited to add: The legion uses the archaic pronunciation because they’re pretentious pricks.

      • krellen says:

        To expound: Latin doesn’t have a soft “C”; every time you see a Latin word with a C in it, replace it with a K if you want to pronounce it correctly (you’ll also notice that Latin doesn’t have a K; this is because they did not need one, as C was already doing all the work of K.) If they wanted the sibilant soft “C”, they just used an S.

        We make things way more complicated then they should be.

        (These rules also apply to Tolkien’s languages, so Galadriel’s husband, Celeborn, is “Kel-Eh-Born”, not “Sell-A-Born”.)

      • Wtrmute says:

        Strictly, the correct pronunciation has a hard “s” rather than the “z”-sound you get in German Kaiser, but otherwise, you’re spot on.

        Also, the legion uses the archaic pronunciation because Caesar is a pretentious prick. He told everybody “my name is Caesar” and Caesar is what they call him. If he had called himself “Mr. Mxyzptlk”, they would call him that. I mean, if a man is called “José”, you don’t call him “Joseph”, do you?

      • Abnaxis says:

        “Kye-sar” isn’t so bad. What freaks me out is whenever I hear someone say “centurion” with proper latin pronunciation. I’m so used to the ‘s’ sound in “cent,” “century,” “centipede,” and “centennial” (all of which, obviously, share a root with “centurion”) that hearing “kenturion” makes me double-take.

        • Johan says:

          And KaiCzar himself also says “et ketera” which threw me for a loop.

          But I think it actually works, I like to say it sounds funny, but it does it’s job in my opinion. It separates the Legion from the common man and sheds some light on the fact that they aren’t JUST an incredibly genocidal frat, someone there has some actual know-how, and could possibly know what he’s doing and what the difference between an ass and an elbow is. It hints that these guys aren’t just the Nazis/Aliens/mooks to mow down like in other games, but that there might actually be something behind them.

          They still feel stupid and self-defeating for me, and a hell of a lot of wasted potential and “they aren’t evil enough yet,” but the introduction with Wulpes and the early parts with them did click for me.

      • Eärlindor says:

        That is apparently the original Latin pronunciation.

        See, this sort of thing is really fascinating to me. :)

        Caesar sounds like Kaiser because Kaiser is the German form of Caesar.

        This, however, I already know. :)

  13. Daemian Lucifer says:

    Trolling Josh is no fun,he just ignores it.You guys should stick to trolling Mumbles,her reactions are cool to listen.

    Also 16 degrees celsius in autumn is not hot for you?Its the end of the summer now,and the temperature was above 20 for maybe 3 days here.Plus,Im a child of the winter,so anything above 10 is hot for me.Which is why I hate the climate here in the balkans because we get summers that go over 40 sometimes.

    Translation for fahrenheit users,respectively:60,68,50 and 104.

  14. Armstrong says:

    Josh and Mumbles either need to get better microphones or calibrate them properly.
    It’s on the border (and crosses it at points) of being physically painful to the ears.
    Don’t get me wrong I like Spoiler Warning, but this and the constant motion sickness inducing bunny hopping make it rather hard to watch.

  15. krellen says:

    Mumbles: please say “KAY-SAAAAR” randomly more.

  16. Fat Tony says:

    Maybe the chances of the randon legion messenger talking to you all the time increases with each bunny hop…

  17. Patrick the Unscrupulous says:

    I found that killing Caesar was A little TOO easy. With a balistic fist anyways, with anything less than that and it was almost suicide. But still with Veronica and myself with ballistic fists we cleaned the room with ease. And even with the legions purported subjugation of women, when I played through as a woman it didn’t actually change the interactions with caesar at all, save a few comments here and there. But they didn’t actually change game mechanics at all. I thought the shift in playing a female character should have been a little more dramatic than a few lines of dialouge.

    • Khizan says:

      Females can’t participate in the arena fights, iirc.

      • krellen says:

        Which is stupid, because the “ultimate” arena fight is a female NCR ranger whom all the Legionnaires are in awe of and if you (as a male) beat her, they’ll constantly talk about how they thought it was impossible to kill this woman. My brain broke at this point.

        • Raygereio says:

          That’s not really a contradiction though.
          A female courier would go into the arena to earn fame and respect; which is not something females are allowed in the legion.
          Ranger Stelle is in the arena to die. This is something females are allowed to do in the legion (she just took her sweet time at that and had some fun murdering the everliving crap out of some legionnaires with her bare hands in the meanwhile apparently).

          By the by: wasn’t Stella just some grunt stationed in a utterly unimportant guardstation before she was captured? And this lowly grunt butchered a fully armoured Centurion with her bare hands? Why on earth is the NCR having any trouble with the legion? Is it because they’re using guns instead of relying on their mighty fisticuff abilities?

          • Deadpool says:

            I’m assuming army rank and assignment has little to do with skills as a puglist… Assuming the NCR is at least slightly following the template of the current American armed forces…

          • Soylent Dave says:

            I don’t think people normally get promoted based on how good they are at gladiating*, so why shouldn’t there be grunts in the army who kick ass and officers who are a bit crap at fighting?

            Officers need to be good at delegating. And looking important.

            edit : It may look like deadpool’s reply was there for 2 hours before mine, but I clearly hadn’t refreshed my screen for ages or something….

            *It’s a word.

  18. Vect says:

    Also, you can kill Alerio in the Strip with no consequence. At least, I tried it with Vulpes and the Securitrons won’t hunt you down.

    “STOP CRI-Oh, you killed that guy. Cool.”

  19. Jarenth says:

    That… that Thomas Hildern NPC fellow. Is he storing bricks in his lower jaw? Did he get the Jay Leno implant?

    Is his mother, by any chance, Ayers Rock?

    Also, Alice McLafferty has a man face. Not man-ish, just the face and haircut of a male NPC, stuck on a female body.

  20. Fang says:

    Camp Mccaron(sp?) is pretty far out of the way. The only reason I found it is cause I came from Black Mountain, fought past like 3-4 Deathclaws, and was like “YES! NEW VEGAS… wait… Mccaron(sp?)? Must go see!”

    And Josh is right. 60oF isn’t bad. 90oF is pushing it but it’s not bad.

  21. kaljtgg says:

    Does anyone have a full list of the drinking game as it is now?

  22. Dante says:

    What if I got the pornography part out of the way before I watched this episode?

  23. Eärlindor says:


    The comment originally here was not suppose to be.

  24. AyeGill says:

    That quest in vault 22 that you get from Hildern was my least favorite quest of the entire game. The floor plan of that place is enough to confuse Cthulhu.

  25. Crowbar says:

    One of you guys was on MSN, weren’t you? I could hear the little alert sound, and it caused me to have some kind of Pavlovian freak-out until I realised I was off-line.

  26. Phantos says:

    It looks like Ambassador Crocker’s typing animation was originally meant for a piano.

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