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DM of the Rings CXXIII:
You Go, Girl

By Shamus
on Wednesday Jul 11, 2007
Filed under:
DM of the Rings


Eowyn faces the Nazgul. Nice sneak attack.
Shing! Eowyn delivers the stabbening.

Not much to this one, but I had to play it fairly straight. There are a lot of funny things the Nazgul and Eowyn might say to each other, but the problem is that they are both NPCs being played by our hapless DM, and he would take this all very seriously. Once the story is over I think I’ll come back and re-visit this scene as a more direct parody.

Comments (110)

1 2

  1. Lynx says:

    Conan wears a Corset? That explains certain things…

  2. Cenobite says:


  3. Culinte says:

    Your first posts are awesome! This was my favorite! Meph has always been one of my favorites!

  4. Plaid_Knight says:

    I still enjoyed this one, even though the funny was not had much. Yet it is nice to see the ultra-serious melodramatic world the GM wants to tell stories in and the contrast set by the very cynical and greedy PCs.

  5. Gropos says:

    Past girlfriends have, at times, shown interest in showing interst of my hobbies. They’ll show up for a session. I’ll put them in a neat role to hopefully pique their interest…and something like this will happen.

    Pisses off the regulars who never get to do anything as cool as Nazgul slaying, though.

  6. Jeremiah says:

    Whenever someone says, “No man can kill me,” they’re just asking for some female to come along and stab them in the face.

  7. Lynx says:

    Come to think of it, I think the sound effect of the Naz-Ghoul imploding should be more like “SKKRRREEEEEE — *pop!*”. That’ll make the transition between the ninth and tenth panel less glaring..

    And I bet we can come up with a whole bunch of things Eowyn would say to the Naz-Ghoul. :D

  8. Arnold says:

    I am forced to ask again: What’s the deal with the Conan references? The first was amusing, but now I find them irritating and distracting. “I hate this campaign” is a much better catchphrase, IMHO.

    Of course, if you’re setting up a scene wherein the others ask the king about his preoccupation with Conan, resulting in much hilarity, well. . .

  9. Daemian_Lucifer says:

    The last two pannels are hillarious.Its like DM is trying to tell an apocalyptic tale,and his audience is simply snoozing.I can see his face waithing for an aplause,and all he gets is silence.Excelent.

  10. Ah, and there it is!

    Still can’t stand it (the line I mean, not he Comic) :D

  11. Lynx says:

    Hmm, won’t Stonergorn complain about her stealing his XP?

  12. Al Shiney says:

    Shamus, no doubt this had to be played fairly straight. There’s nothing that pisses off my players more than when I (as DM) have to roleplay a conversation between two NPCs. I have trouble getting to listen to me when they’re involved in the conversation.

    Oh, and as a Vermonter, please allow me to put in a good word for your next # 1 … our state’s most famous poet Robert “Frost Post!”

  13. h0ll0wone says:

    With the title of the comic, I thought Lego-lass was going to do something good

  14. Nob the Hobbit says:

    Shamus wrote: “Once the story is over I think I'll come back and re-visit this scene as a more direct parody.”

    If you’re going to do that, any chance you might do other scenes as well? I was a little disappointed you didn’t do some sort of take on the scene from the Fellowship extended edition where the Fellowship is leaving Rivendell and Frodo doesn’t know which way to go.

  15. Gary says:


    My reaction would have been:

    Aragorn: “Wait? This random NPC chick comes out of nowhere and KILLS the boss?!?! That’s OUR job! So what if the Nazi Ghoul said a Man couldn’t kill it. We got Leggy!”

    Leggy: “Yeah! Wait, huh?”

  16. Roxysteve says:

    Oh boo hiss! Shamus cut the classic “Do not deny the nazghûl his prey” nonsense and the “feast on his flesh” drool. I mean, The Witch King of Angmar had the worst dialogue consultant in Middle Earth! The possibilities for player/Witch King interplay were enormous (almost as big as a mûmaking Oliphaunt).

    I call shenanigans!


  17. Dan says:

    Right on. Players watch NPCs resolve major plot-point. Wow, that’s irritating. Kind of like hacking through Halo 2 all the way to the “intermission” and then watching the credits roll.

    What the…?

    Somethingth post.

  18. Proteus says:

    Have to agree with Arnold (post #9, #9, #9…). “IHTC” is a great catchphrase. “Conan’s body piercings” or whatever sounds like a bad 70’s Marvel comic.

  19. Dan says:

    I think I know where the Conan thing is going…but I’m not telling. Wouldn’t want to spoil it.

    If I’m right, it will probably be the funniest payoff you’ll experience in the next decade…

  20. Kaz says:

    I kind of like the “Conan’s iron bustier”-type comments. To me, it sounds like something a total idiot would say because he thought it fit his character, when in fact it is totally out of the ballpark.

    In fact, it totally fits Aragorn’s player. I say, Keep ’em coming, Shamus!

  21. Sarah says:

    Emily Post!
    Post Toasties!
    the possibilities are really endless, aren’t they!

    Aren’t they more surprised to see Merry, who disappeared a lot longer ago… is he another NPC now or did that player stop in for an evening?

  22. The Gneech says:

    Do not mock the Conan!

    The Conan is awesome!

    -The Gneech

  23. Melfina the Blue says:

    Well, Leggy’s not a man. He’s an elf. English language does use the same word for sex and species. You could also try playing a half elf and argue that you should get to do half damage and half-kill him. It’s arguments like these that I never have with my DM. Grumble DM is god idea.

  24. -Chipper says:

    Sarah Says: “Aren't they more surprised to see Merry, who disappeared a lot longer ago… is he another NPC now or did that player stop in for an evening?”

    Definitely an NPC. No way this DM would allow a loose cannon like a PC to get in the way of this epic battle! :-D

  25. Arbaal says:

    I have to agree that Stonergorn should whine about his exp being ganked by the rogue. Is the player back? Is he an NPC? Will the intrepid adventurers even ponder the fate of their lost friends? What about Dave and Samwise? Will they get tired of playing Stars Wars together and return for the climactic ending? Stay Tuned and find out next episode….

  26. Deagol's Bane says:

    I love this site. Quick question, though. What’s going to happen when our intrepid trio meets up with Frodo and Sam again? They’re supposedly off playing Star Wars. Will they become NPCs at that point like Merry and Pippin did? Or do you plan to go back and follow the ringbearer’s storyline as an alternative story arc?

    Just curious.

  27. Dev Null says:

    To heck with the half-elf gambit; the possibilities are endless for dealing with the melodramatic fool who claims that “No man can kill me!”:

    Cut off his arms and legs – its even got a Python reference to annoy the GM.
    Push him off a cliff and let gravity kill him.
    Bury him alive.
    Goad one of his own oliphants into stepping on his head.

    In fact, I reckon theres a comic to be had in 101 dead witch kings saying “Doh!”. Wish I could draw…

  28. Gammahorton says:

    Although there has already been a “Frist” post, I suggest Marin Frist (Anne Heche) from “Men in Trees”.

  29. Mattingly says:

    No joke about kill-stealing?

  30. Gary says:

    >>Aragorn: “Wait? This random NPC chick comes out of >>nowhere and KILLS the boss?!?! That's OUR job! So what >>if the Nazi Ghoul said a Man couldn't kill it. We got >>Leggy!”
    >>Leggy: “Yeah! Wait, huh?”
    >”Well, Leggy's not a man. He's an elf. English language >does use the same word for sex and species. You could >also try playing a half elf and argue that you should get >to do half damage and half-kill him.”

    Of course Leggy’s not a man. She’s like totally HAWT! :D

  31. Darkenna says:

    Al Shiney: I believe you are gravely mistaken. Robert Frost was from Derry, NH. He taught at my high school. Tho, that was years before I got there. Decades, even.

    Erm. The point is, get it right!! It’s not like you’re trying to kill some nigh-unkillable near-godlike serious-badass bad-guy in the midst of a glorious battle in which your fellow PC’s are fighting for their very li—what? She did what? … Dead? … Oh, nevermind then. Carry on.

  32. SDD says:

    Hehe, the “first posts” rule! MY favorite was the Frist one. Conan’s Corset, LMAO!

  33. scldragonfish says:

    *The Gneech Says:

    July 11th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
    Do not mock the Conan!

    The Conan is awesome!*

    I normally don’t agree because I spend all my free time watching old 80s Schwartzeneggar action movies and laughing my ass off.

    But…I sold a $5.50 W-M double DVD of Conan’s movies for $30 because this nutty fan couldn’t find it at his W-M in Wisconsin. CRAZY!

  34. scldragonfish says:


    DM POWER!!!

    Thanks Shamus

  35. Dark Psion says:

    Aragorn: So, these unstopable, unkillable Nazguls can be killed in one hit by a chick?

    No wonder we couldn’t find any whorehouses.

  36. Marmot says:

    Just wait for the ultimate humiliation when heroes are dying near the Black Gate and again the NPC saves their miserable characters – that one is very worth fightin….errr… waiting for.

  37. Browncoat says:

    @ Chipper et al

    Merry & Pippin are NPCs. This was declared by the DM when the crew got to Isengard. See Episode XCIV.

  38. Fefe says:

    I know most of you people will know this already. But Shamus you should seriously have a look at this.
    More of those are to be found here: http://users.skynet.be/weske/LOTR/lotr.html
    They’re quite rude though.

  39. Nick says:

    You’re both wrong. Robert Frost was from San Francisco, California. We win.

  40. Visual Echo says:

    Yeah, forgot my favorite line missing from the movie…

    “Will somebody PLEASE get this dead horse off of me!!”

  41. SteveZilla says:

    Apparently, “Pimp!” is the only word Colin knows. ;)

  42. Keldin says:

    I like the Conan references — up until now, the role-playing dwarf has been using them, and it sounds like the habit has rubbed off onto the roll-player Aragorn. Legolas is just sitting around coming up with silly ways to kill a Mumak ;)

    Even in the book I found Tolkien’s trick with the Witch King to be weak. There was little buildup in my mind of the true danger the Witch King possessed. If they (the Nazgul) were that frigging dangerous, why didn’t they go for the gusto and get the frigging ring on Weathertop rather than let Aragorn chase them off? Surely they sensed the ring? Ahh, it’s been too long sice I read the books, maybe I’m forgetting something vital.

  43. SteveDJ says:

    As we draw nearer to the end of the movie (and likely the end of DMotR?) I just had a great idea for what to do with our other two characters (Frodo and Sam) who are off playing Star Wars.

    Once Aragorn and crew get to the Black Gate, have the guys playing Star Wars get tired of their game, and return to this campaign with “…so, what’d we miss?”

    The DM then pauses the current campaign, and rolls back to the start of Two Towers, and plays it out with Frodo and Sam. Perhaps a third player could join and play Gollum (since we don’t really *know* it was him that Legolas killed, right :) )

    We get TWO more movies-worth of DMotR (it could easily surpass 200 strips by then) and get to experience that side of the campaign that we’ve missed so far! And, the final outcome gets to be played with PCs, not NPCs.

    Oh, the possibilities…

  44. Vinchenze says:

    I like what he said “I didn’t see that one coming.” it’s hard to get sarcasism into text but you can do it fairly well.

  45. Vinchenze says:

    Wait if you are always making first post then wouldn’t second post b the REAL first post. I mean the only real first post is that of a reader so, no matter how many FIRST* POSTS you do it’s al down to the readers to make the REAL first post and the only real first post it one that is a COMMENT ONLY. not a statement about what post you have. so it was said and so it is WRITEN… now.

  46. Raved Thrad says:

    hehe I can almost see the thoughts running through Stonergorn’s head (which one is debatable):

    ‘Okay, that’s one scary chick right there. Chopping it off, fine, it’s gone, end of story. But *stabbing* it??? Eurgh!’

  47. Alasseo says:

    Excellent comic, although it reinds me of one of the things that bugged me about the movie: In the books, the only reason Merry was able to hurt the Witch King was that he, Pippin and Sam were allowed to loot a (Numenorean) magic shortsword apiece from the ancient barrow/tomb by His Wastedness Tom Bombadil, Lord of LSD.*
    In the movie, of course, Aragorn just gives them old spare swords he was carrying. And Merry doesn’t even get the Gondorian one which was the most likely to be enchanted- he gets the Rohan one instead. So all in all, he shouldn’t be able to hurt the lord of Nazghul.

    And I like the alliterative Conan exclamations.

    *I think this scene would have made an excellent comic, but it wasn’t in the film, and Shamus’ campaign didn’t start until they hit Bree, anyway.

  48. Woerlan says:

    Actually in the movie Merry was supposedly using an elven dagger. Question is, didn’t he lose it when they got captured?

  49. Skullhead says:

    would like to have seen Legolas killing the Naz-ghoul king
    just dont got any idea how to edit the screens right for that.

  50. Fefe says:

    Hello there brother. D: Startling coincidence that you found this site too.

  51. Cenobite says:

    Anyone who wants to run around screaming that “No Man Can Kill Me” and daring everyone to try…

    …clearly has never read Macbeth.

  52. Jindra34 says:

    53 Cenobite Says:
    July 11th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
    same to any one who says ‘nothing can stop me now’ or ‘i’m invincible’, primarily because the universe has a tendency to drop the hammer on them… until they fall over stopped and dead.

  53. Jaja says:

    SteveDJ says #45: “…Oh, the possibilities”

    I, as I am sure everyone else here is, am sadly NOT looking forward to the end of DM of the Rings…this site has created a love affair between me and my once inanimate and soulless PC which was only good for – *ugh* – WORK – and now, you say that it will all come to an end SOON???!!!


    That’s ok, then.

    HAH – NOT REALLY! All I can say, Shamus, is I humbly leave whatever plans you have for the ending in your good hands. I myself can think of a dozen possibilities, but I’m guessing yours will be (insert word here).
    btw *Faust* – classic :)

  54. Julia says:

    I like the idea of a “Frost Post”.

    When I was in high school, in New Hampshire (not entirely too far from Derry, where Frost taught at Pinkerton, in fact I knew someone who went to Pinkerton), my English teacher pointed out to me that not only did we have the occasional plaque indicating where Robert Frost had slept, we’d even gone so far as to mark where he’d tossed his cookies, hence all the “Frost Heaves” signs on the roads.

    I lost it at that one.

    (And, not having anything to do with Robert, there is a Frost Free Library in Marlborough, NH, which induced all sorts of giggling fits every time we drove past the sign indicating the turn when we drove to Keene. It’s mentioned briefly in the Wikipedia entry for Marlborough.)

  55. Eric Towers says:

    This Conan reference did seem the most forced so far.

    Oh, and, “Emil Post”.

  56. General Ghoul says:

    Nice sneak attack…

    43 SteveZilla Says:
    July 11th, 2007 at 3:24 pm

    Apparently, “Pimp!” is the only word Colin knows. ;)

    Well, you know it is a verb, noun, and adjective, sometimes in the same sentence: Man, that pimp pimped his pimp ride.

  57. guy says:

    I had hoped that Eowyn would become a PC actually. Maybe she could have a guest player for this bit.

  58. Darkenna says:

    General Ghoul: Pimp off, you pimping pimp!!!

    I think, ladies and gentlemen and regular posters, we have our new 4-letter word.

    Julia: Greetings, local girl! I did go there. And “Frost Heaves” has long been one of my fav NH jokes… along with “If you see a mosquito with it’s lights blinking in a holding pattern… you’re probably in NH. If it doesn’t bother you, you grew up there.”

    Never heard of the Frost Free Library, tho. Does it live up to its name?

    And I’m waiting for the time I queue up the page and the second post reads, “First post left by a PC, not the DM! Woot! (I hate this campaign!)”

    ; )

  59. David Brown says:

    I don’t get it. Did the skank kill him with her syphilis?

  60. Doug Williams says:

    For sure this was the best way to handle this battle! Remember what happened when the DM kindly tried to allow the players to take part in the protracted negotiations between Gandalf and Sarumon, or Salmon, or Slow-man or whatever? Elf-boy just up and shot him flat out of his tower!

    Maybe next time they’re being relentlessly, shamelessly railroaded, they’ll be grateful that at least they are allowed to have SOME part in the action, and follow the plan!

  61. Anonymous Botch says:

    50 Woerlan Says:

    July 11th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
    Actually in the movie Merry was supposedly using an elven dagger. Question is, didn't he lose it when they got captured?

    Surely there was only one place Merry could have hidden the dagger from the Uruk Hai. My eyes are watering.

  62. Aries says:

    oooh well i suppose nether of them were technicly men…
    nasgul got owned! that being said there was so much room for parody there by the GM it hurts..er…like em…OMG its a chick!?!?

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