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Spoiler Warning S5E45: Fission Mailed

By Shamus
on Friday Jul 29, 2011
Filed under:
Spoiler Warning


So Josh wanted to do Honest Hearts. We overruled him in favor of getting on with the game. We’re all getting a little tired of New Vegas and we’re wary of having a repeat of the whole BioShock incident.

Deep down, I’m pretty sure Josh just wants to play Honest Hearts because he wants the incinerator shiskebab, which is (arguably?) the most OP weapon in the game. (I don’t know, I’ve never crunched the numbers.) Josh spent the week punishing us for this. His gameplay tortured us until Rutskarn went crazy and read an extended section on lizard penises from Wikipedia, which drove me crazy…

Link (YouTube)

Yes. I goaded him into suddenly doing Honest Hearts, even though we had specifically agreed that we wouldn’t be doing that. After we had already endured his punishment, I rewarded him for his misbehavior by giving him what he wanted.

I have no explanation for my actions. Others have suggested I was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.

And then, after we recorded this episode, several people said that we should definitely do some other DLC which is not Honest Hearts. Which means we have managed to find a solution in which absolutely everyone is unhappy.

Anyway. Am I the only one who thinks the Honest Hearts radio transmission sounds like the Old Spice guy?

Comments (108)

  1. Jokerman89 says:

    I do like this DLC more than dead money, its more of a traditional fallout NV type experience – but the first part of dead money just sent me into rages – being lost + being killed by smoke then your head blowing up drove me pretty crazy. This one was more…always good rarther than going from dreadful to awesome to back to dreadful like dead money :D

  2. webrunner says:

    Are you going to do Old World Blues? It’s pretty crazy.

    • A Viewer says:

      OWB is a pretty challenging DLC combat wise, as I’ve heard the enemies scale up with your level. Imagine Protectrons of all things having as much HP as a Deathclaw.

      • Daemian Lucifer says:

        But Josh is underleved,so that wouldnt matter.

        • Kelly says:

          Actually Josh is probably overleveled for OWB. It’s supposed to be made for level 15 characters as I recall, it’s just most of us walked in there with level 40 ones.

          • Even says:

            It’s actually just 15+ characters. I had enough, if a bit self-imposed, challenge playing with my level 40 hardcore-mode Courier. I took only This Machine and A Light Shining In Darkness with me because I wanted to avoid the easy-mode that was Honest Hearts with Gobi Campaign rifle and fully modded Holorifle. I also used only whatever armour I could find within the DLC. Turns out that Lobotomites with Brush Guns could be pretty goddamn deadly if you didn’t get them down quick enough.. And those goddamn large roboscorpions, I could kill the whole Mojave two times over with the amount of bullets I sank in those bastards.

            • Kelly says:

              Pretty much my experience too yeah. Fortunately, the Sonic Emitter Tarantula (also Robo Scorpion but that’s not until the end so it doesn’t count) and Christine’s sniper rifle are completely ridiculous compared to everything else in the entire game beyond shit like Annabelle or the Fatman. I also used the Tweak Mod that, among other great things, makes the fully upgraded stealth suit have a stealth field. This helped me die LESS than before.

    • RTBones says:

      +1, at least to the “are you going to do Old World Blues” part.

      I think, given that you will have done two DLCs, you might as well go for the trifecta before you do the endgame.

    • RPharazon says:

      +2 to the “Do Old World Blues” part.
      Dead Money was painful.
      Honest Hearts is boring.
      Old World Blues is exciting and fantastic and it tickles me in places.

  3. Zombie Pete says:

    You guys sound like the dudes negotiating the debt ceiling.

  4. Rodyle says:

    Firstly: If you can hear the despair in Mumble’s voice so clearly and you can go on: you’re a heartless person. Look at what you’re doing to that poor girl!

    Secondly: Who the hell is this Brigham Young?

    • Vect says:

      He’s a leader of the Mormons long ago and the guy who founded Salt Lake City.

      • Chuck says:

        Yeah, the Mormons fled the US and settled in the north-west of what was then the United Mexican States. That worked out well.

        Sorry, I’m a historian. For info on the Mormons in Fallout, consult the wiki, but I’m not sure how much of it will be spoiler for the DLC, because I can’t get Honest Hearts until Monday.

    • Chris B Chikin says:

      For the record, my family’s more badass than Mumbles’ – found out a couple of days ago that I’m directly descended from Robert the Bruce!

      • Chuck says:

        If we’re doing descendant lines-you know what I mean- one of my uncles on my mother’s side drowned running booze from Canada to Detroit during Prohibition-the car fell through the ice. Another one bet a man he could be run over with another man’s wagon and live-and did.

        My mother was half Irish. Mumbles’ is better because it’s more historical and involves horse thievery.

        • feighnt says:

          hey! what a coincidence – my grandfather on my dad’s side did some booze running in ontario too during prohibition, though he did it via boat over one or another of the great lakes.

          he thought it was great, easy money and easy work ’till one night some cops on their own boat spotted them and opened fire… gave him a scare and he quit.

      • RPharazon says:

        You know, due to probability and intermarrying and the sheer number of copulation going on, pretty much anyone can say that.

      • Eärlindor says:

        I know on my mother’s side we are loosely descended from the royal family of England. I think the separation begins with Henry VIII and his many wives… (But I’m also willing to bet that a lot of people are descendents from the many illegitimate heirs of the England’s kings throughout the years.)
        Interestingly enough, we’re also descended from William Wallace (also mother’s side).
        Dad’s side is a little more dull, but then I don’t know much about it: German butchers.

      • Soylent Dave says:

        There’s an astonishing number of people in this thread who have managed to defy historians and keep hold of records of their families going back through the medieval period.

        That being something that historians find pretty much impossible. It’s also amazing how many people related to the Crown end up living in America, considering that most early Americans were those who were unpopular with the Crown (or who belonged to an unpopular religion).

        (I’m sure it’s definitely not ‘some Americans claiming to be related to the British Royal line’ because it sounds impressive but is actually unproveable nonsense’ though. Because that would be childish…)

        • Shamus says:

          I don’t really see a need to be QUITE so condescending.

          1) Did these people make up these facts to impress strangers in a comment thread? I doubt it. Certainly there are more people claiming to be royal descendants than there are proper royal descendants, but a lot of them are only passing along what they have been taught: The facts were made up generations ago, and now it’s all but impossible to sort out the Dukes from the dupes.

          2) Going back far enough, everyone is related to everyone else, however distantly. I’m not talking about the Adam & Eve sense of it, but the more general sense of relations by marriage. Going back just four generations, the web of great, great, great, great uncles, aunts, x cousins Y times removed, siblings, in-laws… the total list of relations can quickly reach into the hundreds of thousands. This is exacerbated by the huge families that were common as recently as 100 years ago. If your great-great-grandfather had 10 siblings, that’s a huge network of in-laws and relations, coming from just one of your 16 great-great grandparents. Odds are good that one of those people married someone that showed up in the history books somewhere, who you can then claim as some distant relation.

          • Znaps says:

            About 0.5% of all men currently living have a direct paternal descent from Genghis Khan.

            So, y’know… That kinda explains The Great Khans?

          • Dmk7001 says:

            You don’t even need to go back all that far relatively speaking. If you trace your ancestors back into the 13th century you have more direct ancestors than there have ever been human beings, well obviously this is impossible it would just overlap (someone who is your greatX10 grandfather down one route could be your greatX10 grandfather down another as well and greatX13 grandfather down yet another route).
            The point is even though royal lines are probably more tightly knit with lots of breeding within the same few families enough ‘black sheep’ will come along that everyone pretty much can be traced to kings and stuff.
            All this comes from this episode of QI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ff_0S9K5b4 11:45 mintues in or there abouts, none of it is stuff I thought up.

          • Chris B Chikin says:

            Exactly. According to the research my mum’s cousin did, I’m descended from Robert the Bruce through two separate lines. That said, it’s likely that two thirds of the people living in Scotland could probably say that.

            I also remember an episode of QI (British celebrity quiz show hosted by Steven Fry) where they worked out that the entire panel were all descended from Charlemagne…along with everyone else in Europe.

        • Chris B Chikin says:

          I’m Scottish.

  5. A Viewer says:

    Take heart Mumbles. Try to convince them to kill one of the plot centric NPCs and then the DLC is perhaps 20-30 minutes. A good thing is that you still get most of the good loot (minus the flaming swords and perhaps a new smg…).

  6. Vect says:

    If I remember, you need a good rep with the NCR in order to Save Kimball on House/Wild Card.

    The idea for saving Kimball is that after winning he’ll be the scapegoat back in NCR territory since citizens will blame him for wasting soldiers on what was ultimately a stupid and pointless war. Without him, people blame Overlord Cuftbert.

    Also, YEAH LET’S GO KILL MORMONS! That or actually do Honest Hearts as intended.

  7. Rasha says:

    Sweet more season YAY! This calls for the best victory music ever.


  8. kanodin says:

    Well, at least Honest Hearts is purty. Of course the only really strong part of it was on terminals that won’t be read, but hey at least there are fishies in the streams.

  9. Kelly says:

    Go straight from HH to OWB. DO IT DO IT DO IT.


  10. Peter H. Coffin says:

    I dunno… There is a lot to be said for the Rule of Funny… And this series has been “rutskarn vs jibar” levels of funny since punching cans out behind the saloon.

  11. Jjkaybomb says:

    I agree with Rustkarn… this was an ugly week. It wasnt even the game that was driving you crazy, this week was just plain mean-spirited.

  12. Kelly says:

    Also now we get to see if my theory about Mumbles spending any Honest Hearts episodes shrieking at the top of her lungs about fetch quests/Joshua’s AMAZINGLY SEXY VOICE is true.

    I may be projecting a bit there.

  13. Rasha says:

    Don’t worry guys you can power through any evil just the heroes of old.


    Bonus points to anyone who got nostalgia from that.

  14. Daemian Lucifer says:

    Wow,I dont think Mumbles was ever not smiling up until now.Shame,you really have no Shamus.Great job!

  15. Deadpool says:

    Shishkabob has been overshadowed by super-heated Saturnite Fist (basically an Unarmed version of Shiskabob) and the Photonic Inversed Ax (which has a special move in VATS that does MASSIVE damage).

    Still, with Pyromaniac, damned good weapon…

    honest Hearts ain’t so bad though. Survivalist story was cool, although you will surely skip it. Graham was kinda badass…

  16. some random dood says:

    [sigh] and I thought we were *sooooo* close to finishing this. Sorry guys, but I’ve had enough Fallout for a while – please hurry and get this over with!
    Or alternatively – hey Mumbles, please tell the rest of them to Fuck Off, and you’ll only come back when they are back on the end quest. Either let the trio of sadists suffer their own company for Honest Hearts, or get Josh to solo the DLC and get the gang together once he gets back to the main plot.

    • Chuck says:

      I have been wondering what they’ll do next. I also was wondering if Josh’s new editing software can handle the cutscenes in KOTOR?

      Or did he get Adobe before he said that…

    • krellen says:

      I, too, was thinking it was time to end New Vegas.

      Also, I didn’t really like Honest Hearts. I was left feeling “what the heck was the point of that?”

      This episode does help explain why Mumbles was in such a bad mood last night, though.

  17. Slip says:

    So OWB after this, right? IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!?

    ..Mumbles? (you know you have a right to demand this now, after they conspired against you, right?)

  18. Jarenth says:

    If trolling was an in-game skill, Reginald Cuftbert would have absolutely zero points in it.

  19. Eric says:

    Apologies for shameless self-promotion earlier. I will remove myself from the premises accordingly.

  20. Tobias says:

    You should have mumbles be the player for the next game. This way there can be some sweet revenge.

  21. mumakil says:

    I would just like to add my vote for doing Old World Blues. I hear its fantastic and silly and i just cant wait for reginald to kill the creator of cazadors!!!

  22. Mumbles, may I suggest getting small sharp pointed sticks (similar to these metal DPNS). I’m sure you can figure out many fun things to do with them while the guys torture you with this DLC. And no, I’m not suggesting knitting socks, more a study of anatomy with a view to much OUCH! At least it’ll keep you entertained.

  23. Adam P says:

    I couldn’t help but laugh at Mumbles freaking out. It was too funny. I could definitely hear some measure of despair (and hate!) in the poor girls voice, but I think what really made it was just how long she was freaking out for. After all, we all know that comedy = tragedy + time.

  24. X2-Eliah says:

    Sooooo after this season ends, you are all taking a 5-week break?


  25. RTBones says:

    It is time. With humble apologies. (bows)

    I am the very model of a bunny-hopping pugilist,
    An intoxicated tophat-wearing trolling brigand narcissist,
    With information critical for finishing the current quest,
    A diplomatic venture problematic without violence.
    Maniacal departures from the true and righteous path are norm.
    Contrary estuaries from desired routes are uniform
    In displaying consternating scenes of fury-fueled exuberance
    For my altruistic masochistic monster-killing vehemence!

    In Khan-ic consultations I’m a saint of nipple charity.
    My gymnastic scorpiotic morts are myopic in hilarity.
    In short, in killing Cazadores or Deathclaws with a Power Fist
    I am the very model of a bunny-hopping pugilist!

    (opens the bottle, takes a long pull, slides it down the bar)

  26. AlternatePFG says:

    I enjoyed all of the New Vegas DLC quite a bit myself. Each had different things that were good about them in my opinion, I know some people like ones but hate others but meh.

    Anyway, glad you’re doing Honest Hearts. Still, I hope you wrap up New Vegas soon. I would like to see something new perhaps. That week of Half Life 2 was rather refreshing.

  27. Znaps says:

    Honest Hearts?

    No way that’s copasheshy!

  28. Sydney says:

    Shamus’s dejected “…you can see how well it worked out for me” was so Eeyore-ish that his classification as such seems all the more fitting.

  29. James says:

    another fun tidbit, Ceaser was a missionary from the Followers of the Apocalypse, before you know becoming insane and then promtly being killed by Sir Reginald Cuftburt the First

  30. Destrustor says:

    Hey since when does Shamus’ voice veto everyone else’s? the group was still evenly split between yes and no.

    oh wait the internet is not a democracy. …nevermind.

  31. Eärlindor says:

    I can’t properly describe in words my feelings on this episode. I laughed. A lot.

  32. Bentusi16 says:

    Luckily, honest hearts is crazy short…

    Or it is when it’s not Josh playing it.

  33. Winter says:

    Wow, you people are weak. Talking about lizard penises can reduce you to this? I could talk about things ten times more horrifying.

  34. Fat Tony says:

    Shamus you said! Shamus you said! – Sound like a five year old, an extremly hurt five year old, who’s just dropped an Ice-Cream, twice.

  35. Fat Tony says:

    I’ve never played it before, that means during this week i’ve got to buy and play it. Like I did Dead Money.

  36. Halfling says:

    Josh’s trolling is truly beautiful.

    It is perhaps the greatest art work ever forged by the means of man.

  37. CalDazar says:

    When I heard Shamus give the OK to honest hearts, I thought it was a cunning plan to force Josh to get rid of the incinerator, since Honest Hearts has a weight limit.
    But no, you didn’t even comment on it.

  38. daveNYC says:

    But Josh is now happy, right? And that’s what is really important.

  39. Ayegill says:

    Just to confirm Shamus’ comment about “most overpowered”, I believe Shishkebab with all perks has the highest DPS of any weapon in the game.

    • Daemian Lucifer says:

      According to the wiki,that honour goes to mercy,a unique grenade machinegun(643.6 while the shishkebab has 390).Unless you count the holy frag grenade,that is(1544).

      • Ayegill says:

        Whoops, my mistake. Turns out the CZ57 avenger also has 390 DPS with no perks, so i think it wins that contest(DPS without perks, that is).

        Well, i guess now i’ll have to go and grab Mercy to satisfy my weapon collection OSD. Dammit.

  40. Sleeping Dragon says:

    I really, really like it (sarcasm intended) when a game provides you with 5, 10, 15 or more minutes of a backstory then says something like “of course this is just old wives’ tales”. I mean, seriously, does ANYONE even fall for that at this point? When I play a game nowadays the moment I hear someone mention “and over yonder is the pit of damnation, it’s just a normal valley but some locals believed that there was an entrance to hell beneath that great boulder. Silly isn’t it?” I know that at some point said boulder will be gone, the gates of hell will be right there and either something will crawl out of there, I will have to crawl in there, or some variation of these.

  41. droid says:

    The killing joke, wasn’t that a Monty Python skit?

  42. mixmastermind says:

    Episode 45: Everyone goes crazy.

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