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Spoiler Warning Hitmas 1-Merry Hitmas!

By Shamus
on Wednesday Aug 31, 2011
Filed under:
Spoiler Warning


I really don’t like how commercialized Hitmas has become. When I was kid, Hitmas was about crazy, life-ending butchery in the name of a paycheck. Now people are so obsessed with shaved heads, sunglasses, and barcode tattoos. They’ve forgotten the true meaning of the holiday and instead are focused on shallow, superficial things. It’s cheapened the celebration and taken the joy out of contractually-arranged assassination.

But not Rutskarn. Rutskarn understands the True Meaning of Hitmas:

Link (YouTube)

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. I’m so happy right now that I could beat a man to death with a fruitcake.

This is just a one-week deal. We’ll do something else special for Spoiler Warning next week (maybe even more Hitman, we haven’t decided yet) and then we’ll launch the next season on September 13.

Comments (83)

  1. There is only one soundtrack that could possibly do the adventures of Agent Reginald “47 Times The Legal Blood Alcohol Limit” Cuftbert justice.

    Well, maybe there’s one other song I can think of.

  2. X2-Eliah says:

    Just because this is completely pointless in any way, shape or form whatsoever..

    Omg u guys shuld totalee doo Fable 3! It’s got colourful graphics, some decent humour and a ton of stuff to rant about too.

    Also, 13th really sounds like a good date to launch a new season, indeed.

  3. Ubernostrum says:

    Nice – will have to watch it later, while I am ‘productively’ at ‘work’.

    MINDLESS PEANUT-GALLERY YELL: Do The Stanley Parable next week!

    OK, I’m better now. Can’t wait to see what you guys chose for the next main series.

  4. littlefinger says:

    SO next week we’ll see Mumbles do a playthrough of Guitar Hero, and after that Shamus walks us through Bureaucracy?

    That’s how this is going to end right?

  5. Vect says:

    I actually think there’s a series called “How NOT To Play Hitman” on Youtube somewhere.

    There’s also an LP by a guy called The Auzzie Gamer who both shows off how to get Silent Assassin while also using bombs/going on shooting rampages.

  6. Reet says:

    I actually just finished Hitman a few days ago and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I also find it pretty funny that rutskarn managed to do this entire mission in one go in like 11 minutes compared to his LP in which he must have taken well over an hour to complete it.

  7. Hitch says:

    “Hey y’all, watch this!” Agent 47’s missing dialog upon approaching the junction box.

    I highly approve of the different driver so Josh gets to make fun of someone else’s playstyle.

  8. TraderRager says:

    Hey Shamus. All 4 of you playing Borderlands, as different classes. Yay/Nay?

  9. Herrsunk says:

    If you think about it… it was a successful stealth mission. If there is no one left alive to tell that you were there you have successfully gone incognito.

    Save for the cameras and the blood and theSHUTUPALREADY.

  10. Alexander The 1st says:

    So…how many people still lived at the end? 41 seems like it was quite the majority of them…

  11. Daemian Lucifer says:

    And no matter who is driving,spoiler warning crew leaves a trail of dead bodies behind.

    Also,Rutskarn,you really like killing dogs in hitman,dont you?

  12. Entropy says:

    We only got a brief glimpse of him on camera, but we’re pretty sure he has long, flowing hair.

  13. Dovius says:

    September 13?
    Aw, you didn’t have to get me a birthday present!

  14. Halfling says:

    I think that was Rutskarn’s most successful Hitman mission ever. Loved Josh getting the opportunity to be a member of the peanut gallery.

  15. Jakale says:

    That felt all kinds of nostalgic for the Hitman streams. 47 even went and did a stupid context based action in front of witnesses he can clearly see and made Ruts yell at him. Good times.

  16. Joe Cool says:

    Hilariously, in my RSS feed, the video that’s showing up is the Electric Company sketch from the previous post. I didn’t know that children’s shows involved paid murders and high body counts.

  17. Entropy says:

    The best stream was the white house original run. I am still annoyed that the initial run failed.

  18. Spooky says:

    So …. killing lots of innocent lives in an Hitman game is playing it wrong? So why do they keep on giving me the opportunities and resources to do it?

    On a more serious note, here are some thoughts on the subject:

    The Hitman games have always allowed the player to, within certain limits, do whatever he/she wants to. They are more like a little sandbox – where the give you the tools and let you loose on the set (god I miss the “immersive sims” of old days) OR (going along with Rock Paper Shotgun on this) a puzzle game where you are searching for one of the solutions to do a mission with the Silent Assassin rating (the best rating available/ “perfect” solution).

    On the world setting, the games have (apart from the first) always made a great mix between gritty and black humour (my favourite example: dropping a hanging grand piano on top of a lady dress as a bird – with feathers flying and the bad tunes playing as they collide with the floor).

    Once you enter an animation there’s no going back from it: breaking fuse boxes; (un)packing a rifle; fibre wiring someone; sedating; changing costumes; etc etc. Not framing this as an excuse, but if you play the game long enough, you’ll start to time for these things.

    The Dual Silverballer upgrade is a really weird one: you carry 2 pistols; with the same amount of ammo as usual; you fire them both with each click; each shot goes slightly apart from the cross-hair (there are cases where you miss a medium range head-shot because your target’s melon is dead centre in your cross-hair and the bullets just fly by his ears); and the reload times are [keeping this polite] really long. Not a really useful one, in any case I can think of anyway.

    Still, I’m interested to see how your short term plans, in regards to Spoiler Warning, align with your target for the show.

    • Pete says:

      So the developers make sure that the dual wield upgrade is the only one you get for the final mission. *sigh*

      • Spooky says:

        Really? I’ve never noticed when that upgrade unlocks itself*.

        Maybe they think the players will go on a duel to the death with the final target?
        SPOILER : It’s a chase & showdown scripted assassination in the White House (from the Oval Office to the West Wing), at night, while raining.

        *That mechanic is one that fails by only unlocking certain upgrades after you’ve done (greatly or poorly) certain missions.

  19. Delve says:

    “That’s a really compromising position”

    I’ll say!

  20. kanodin says:

    So much for not watching any of Rutskarns Hitmases because I keep planning on playing the sequals eventually. I got about halfway through the first Hitman and I’m a quarter through the second.

  21. JPH says:

    This is an interesting phenomenon — whenever anybody plays a game for Spoiler Warning, they instantly become Reginald Cuftbert.

    Even Shamus ended up dropping a train in the middle of a road. Just try and tell me that’s not something Cuftbert would do.

  22. Milos says:

    So the cameras caught a bald assassin in a black suit and their profile is a fat, long haired nerd. If that’s the best police can do no wonder 47 became a legendary invisible assassin.

    Also, I’m calling it now: they are doing Deus Ex:HR next but they are giving it a few weeks so Rutskarn would reach the age he’s allowed to play it without parental supervising.

  23. BenD says:

    What is Josh eating? XD

  24. Riggaburtos says:

    That was a pretty funny episode, can’t wait for the rest.

    Alos, were you guys aware Reginald Cuftbert went to PAX?


  25. perry says:

    hitmas?? what is hitmas? i thought it was called hitman?

  26. Sydney says:

    What happens if you try to take a woman’s costume? Does it just not let you, or do we get a Skimpy Swimsuit La-Mulana situation and everyone tries to kill you?

    • Johan says:

      It just doesn’t let you. It makes sense in a way, every male has the body frame of 47 in the Hitverse, and every female has the body frame of a stripper, so not a lot of room to squeeze in.

  27. Thor says:

    Yay, Hitman!

    It’s good to hear the whole bunch commenting on this game, if only for a short while. What? You did that level in under 15 minutes? It took me ages! But then again I didn’t draw that much attention to myself on my playthrough :D

    That’s got to be the most successful ‘failure’ I have ever seen, though.

  28. Cybron says:

    I would watch more of this.

  29. ENC says:

    Who hasn’t played Hitman?

    Psyched for absolution, Contracts and BM were some of the most fun games i’ve ever played (never played 1 and 2 was pretty meh, it didn’t have the hitman formula of alternate paths for most of it).

  30. Methermeneus says:

    This is making me want to watch Rutskarn’s LP of Hitman, but… Is there any better way than going to Livestream and watching the archives there? Livestream’s archives aren’t very user-friendly. Blip and YouTube only seem to have Rutskarn vs. Jibar (which I also want to watch, but I want to watch Hitman first!)

  31. SolkaTruesilver says:

    I just realized that killing everybody in the mansion is probably the best way to cover your employer.

    If you just went for the kill of your targets, the found deads could potentially have been traced back to your employer. “Who had an interest in killing these two people so professionally, hmmm?”

    While in this case, the theory will me “a crazed gunman went in and indiscrimately killed everybody. Probably a terrorist attack, or a mafia strike team to make a point”. They won’t look too deeply into victim #32 and #54, who were your real targets.

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