About the Author
Mass Effect
Final Fantasy X
Batman:Arkham City
Borderlands Series
Weekly Column
Champions Online
World of Warcraft
DM of the Rings
Good Robot
Project Frontier

Assassin’s Creed 2 EP10: The Quick Brown Fox

By Shamus
on Wednesday Oct 5, 2011
Filed under:
Spoiler Warning


Link (YouTube)

I don’t have much to say about this episode, except that I’m really glad to finally get a chance to use all of my knowledge of European geography. I expect many Austrians will be delighted when we mention their capital city of Madrid. Well, not all of them, but the ones who are used to the ignorant American tourists who visit the Eiffel Tower and are always driving on the wrong side of the road and who visit without bothering to learn any German. To those weary Aussies, I offer the standard heartfelt greeting of the traveling American: Hola, amigo! Yo voy a ser visitado en su país auspicioso buscando el cuarto de baño para cumplir con las prostitutas. ¿Puede usted indicarme dónde está el más cercano hermana?

I really hope this smooths things out between us. After all, Europe is my favorite country.

Comments (105)

  1. Amsus says:

    Ok, i promise i’ll get around to watching the episode at some point, but i have to say that this was a brilliant description. Thank you Shamus from Denmark, or as you Americans know it the capitol of ikea :)

  2. Gulderian says:

    I don’t know why they keep complaining about Ezio’s clothes, they’re obviously made of Assassins Tweed…

  3. karln says:

    Occasionally I wonder how the Templar base/Assassin entrance (you noticed the Assassins’ emblem on the door you used, right?) thing works. The Templars built the place and then the Assassins sneakily added their own door while the Templars were out? The Assassins built it and abandoned it, and it was later co-opted by the Templars? Most of these places have Assassins’ tombs hidden inside so I guess it’s mostly the latter.

    • Jeremy says:

      Well, it is technically built by Assassins, but they have been around for so long that most people have forgotten what it’s original purpose is. It’s a church, remember? It makes sense that the Templars have unwittingly taken over what used to be an Assassin monument. And the majority of the parcour (or however you decide to spell it) sections are separate from the guard ones – these are dilapidated wings that no one should be able to traverse.

      • decius says:

        No, it was built by the Templar, but there was an Assassin mole with the Templar who got put in charge of overseeing the construction. Naturally he made sure that the work crew included the ancestors of the people who carved those statues and the villa basement.

        They didn’t just build the catacombs, they built them to crumble and age so that they seemed dangerous, but Ezio could intuit exactly how to get through them. They also whispered about the entrance in private, so that only La Volpe would know about the secret entrance that only Ezio can use.

  4. Joe Cool says:

    who visit without bothering to learn any German

    Silly Shamus, don’t you know that Austrians speak Portuguese?

    I knew somebody who bought a t-shirt that said “there are no kangaroos in Austria” when he visited that country.

  5. SougoXIII says:

    Oh Shamus, your trolling have reached a new level!

  6. Nyctef says:

    Yes, the race music is awesome. What did Mumbles say it sounded like? I missed that, would be interesting.

    And by Templar-built you mean Assassin-built, right? :P They seem to be built so that only Assassins Succeed, which seems to be codified by the ending of Brotherhood

  7. Audacity says:

    Shamus you mischievous scamp, reinforcing international stereotypes about ignorant Americans. The Eiffel Tower is in Prague, which is the capital city of the Finnish state of Brussels, you know that! And Europe isn’t a country it’s one of Jupiter’s moons!

  8. LurkerAbove says:

    Africa is my favorite country. That’s why it only needs one Batman.

  9. Tobias says:

    Well the German pronouncation of Venetia sounds more like the American pronouncation for Vienna, then the American Vienna sound like the German Vienna.

    Also leonardo’s assistant did not only set up a training ground up, easily. He also did so behind an open doorway leading to a crowded street, without attracting attention.

    Volpe? You mean the guy from Nipton? Didn’t you kill him? And how would Enzio even pronounce KAI-SAR?
    btw. you guys are losing your touch.

    When those levers are glowing I think, first of wanted posters, then I think : break the glass.

    • Paul Spooner says:

      I have been reading too much Axe Cop, so the first thing I thought of when I saw a vertical handle behind the shimmering glass was “Oh sweet! Etzio transforms into Axe Assassin!”
      He has a secret attack that chops off all the badguys heads in a level. Then the dead badguys turn into haystacks and Axe Assassin jumps in them.

    • 4th Dimension says:

      Actually German for Vienna is something like Win with a longer i. And of course Austria is not Austria it’s Osterreich (East empire).

  10. “Hello, friend! I will be visited at home auspicious bathroom looking to meet prostitutes. Can you tell me where is the closest sister?”



    • Kian says:

      I didn’t mind the rest of the trolling, but reading my native language butchered like that was really painful. To be fair, it also grates me when I read butchered English, and it would probably bother me if I knew any other languages. I think knowing he did it on purpose made it worse.

  11. Raygereio says:

    The amazing thing about the assasination training ground Leonardo sets up for you is the fact that if you attack the dolls while in high-profile, they respond and move as if they’re real people.

    Leonardo, you evil bastard.

  12. rrgg says:

    I’m a bit surprised at how little picking up bodies and throwing them off cliffs there is in this lets play.

    • Raygereio says:

      Yeah, I know.

      He hasn’t even done things like murdering a minstrel via groin-stomping, picking up the body and throwing it in front of guards that are guarding a codexpage to get them to attack Ezio and then lure them away from their guard post via various parcour hijinks (involving standing on high rooftops/next to water and throwing guards to their doom) and diving-between-guard’s-legs. Which is then naturally followed up by breaking line-of-sight, sitting on the bench until the guards forget all about you like the goldfish that they are and then picking up the the codexpage undisturbed.

      You know: the old minstrelcorpsebennyhillchasebecominginvisiblewhilesittingintheopen-trick.

      I’ll suspect we’ll start seeing the real fun once Josh gets the poison-stabby.
      Step 1: Throw money in areas heavily populated by random NPCs.
      Step 2: Poison guards.
      Step 3: Stand back and smile knowing your dead father’s ghost is looking over your shoulder with a horrified expression.

  13. JPH says:

    When I realized you can customize colors in Fable 2, I immediately made my entire outfit black. Then I got the Goth achievement and felt bad about myself.

  14. Milos says:

    I still can’t get used to Mumbles’ ridiculous new voice, it feels like an imposter infiltrated the crew and nobody noticed.

    As for the catacombs part of the game – at first, like Josh, I would think it’s a nice change of pace from roaming the streets. But then I would either get stuck without knowing where the next switch is, or there would be some platforming part with fixed camera that is nigh-impossible to do with keyboard+mouse which would drive me crazy, so I’m always glad when I’m out of those wretched places.

  15. Someone says:

    While we’re on the subject of geography: who’s FDR? Is he the guy who invented KFC?

  16. noahpocalypse says:

    Mumbles @ 2:05- need more stars!

    Josh @ 10:23: Stab him in the groin!

    14:03: You were there before him! Gah!?!

    Mumbles @ 20:14: WTF?

  17. I forget if it’s Screed2 or ScreedBro that has the sea monster thing in one of the catacombs, but there’s totally a sea monster thing in one of the catacombs.

    SpoilerWarning Crew: Gray Fox..Gray Fox.. Gray Fox..

    Me: Huh, why are they talking about Cyborg Ninja from Metal Gea–Oh right Oblivion, duh.

  18. O.G.N says:

    I just want to point out that prior to the invention of synthetic dyes in the 19th century, people had a more limited color palette to choose from. Many dyes were also quite expensive.

    • Aldowyn says:

      Which is why purple was a royal color. It was really hard to come by.

      • ps238principal says:

        Before Gallagher became right-wing and even more un-funny, he had a bit about the Phoenicians that went something like:

        “They discovered this kind of snail that let them come up with a blue dye. They went to the kings and they said, ‘Check out this dye we’ve got,’ and the kings said, ‘Hey, that looks nice! What do you call it?’ and the Phoenicians said, ‘Royal Blue.’

        The kings said, ‘That’s cool. Give me too much of it.'”

  19. Corpital says:

    Since I am probably going to end in a punitive afterlive no matter what I do…erm…it would be cool if these codex entries were input for an ancient kind of computer which could create a interactive holographic copy of Altair and maybe even these people depicted in your uncles basement, they could call it Assassins Meet&Greet.

    Well…considering the 60h working schedule it is marginally better than another iteration of the Assassins Speed pun for Joshs very competent kills at the end which I was planing to do.

  20. Dante says:

    It’s a sailboat!

    How has no one made that reference yet?

  21. Deadpool says:

    Music reminds me of jRPGs… It’d be right at home in White Knight Chronicles or something…

  22. Nick says:

    Americans speak other languages? I thought they just shouted English until the shoutee inferred the shouter’s meaning.

  23. Eärlindor says:

    12:11 – Aauughh! Curse you, Rutskarn, cuuurrrrssse yooouuu!!!

    Oh gosh, why? Why? Whyyy…?

  24. ps238principal says:

    Rutskarn has got to be at least 35 years old and is taking hormones to sound younger, because nobody his “age” has ever seen a Danny Kaye movie, much less remembered the lyrics to one of the musical numbers, unless forced to do so as a method of extracting information (or installing culture).

  25. Vect says:

    I wonder if anyone of them realizes that Rodrigo Borgia was also played by Jeremy Irons in a miniseries, which leads them to the connection that they’re fighting the wizard from the Dungeons and Dragons movie? That or Brom from Eragon (AKA Fantasy Obi-Wan).

  26. nawyria says:

    Can anyone explain the fox and the hound pun that Mumbles was referring to?

    • tengokujin says:

      1981 Disney animated film about the unshakable friendship between a hunting hound and a fox in Victorian England.

      Yes, it’s pretty much as stupid as it sounds, despite it being very heart-warming.

    • Indy says:

      The original pun was about Rutskarn taking both Fawkes and Dogmeat as companions in Fallout 3. His favourite pairing of the companions is the Fawkes and the Hound.

  27. tengokujin says:

    Leonardo did do many detailed anatomy drawings from dissected corpses… Just sayin’.

  28. Thanatos of Crows says:

    I’m still wondering what happened to the ending sequence. I get it that the opening replaces it but the episodes just kind of end running face first to a pillar. At least the points they do make sense, as it used to, but it feels kinda weird

Leave a Reply

Comments are moderated and may not be posted immediately. Required fields are marked *


Thanks for joining the discussion. Be nice, don't post angry, and enjoy yourself. This is supposed to be fun.

You can enclose spoilers in <strike> tags like so:
<strike>Darth Vader is Luke's father!</strike>

You can make things italics like this:
Can you imagine having Darth Vader as your <i>father</i>?

You can make things bold like this:
I'm <b>very</b> glad Darth Vader isn't my father.

You can make links like this:
I'm reading about <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darth_Vader">Darth Vader</a> on Wikipedia!

You can quote someone like this:
Darth Vader said <blockquote>Luke, I am your father.</blockquote>