About the Author
Mass Effect
Final Fantasy X
Batman:Arkham City
Borderlands Series
Weekly Column
Champions Online
World of Warcraft
DM of the Rings
Good Robot
Project Frontier


By Shamus
on Saturday Apr 29, 2006
Filed under:


The pink line highlights the scar in the yard where the fence was.

You may remember my backyard project from a few weeks ago. I’d gotten to the point where the fence was down, and I’d dragged most of it into a big heap beside the house. Problem was, I had no idea what to do with it from there. We’re talking about almost two dozen iron poles, each of which has a heavy blob of concrete on the end. Also, there was a great deal of rolled-up chain link. This stuff was not going to fit into any trash can, even a little at a time. The individual pieces were too huge and too heavy. So I can’t throw it out. Can’t burn it. Can’t launch it into space. I don’t have a lightsaber and I don’t have a Trek phaser with the handy “vaporize” setting. Dumpster rentals are possible, but the cheap ones specifically forbid chain-link fence. The larger ones allow anything, but cost a few hundred(!!) dollars.

I really, really hated that fence..

So I had this huge pile of scrap metal and concrete. Now it was all in one pile, and no longer part of my yard, which was good. But it was also… all in one big ugly pile. What to do?

My neighbor dropped by. Said he’d been meaning to put up a fence for the dog. He asked if I’d be willing to let him have the fence. He offered to haul it all away, and dig up the last few posts for me.

I remember a western from when I was a kid where the villians took the main character and his buddy out into the desert. The buddy was hung with a rope around his neck, and stood on the shoulders of the protagonist. Both had their hands bound. Then the bad guys rode away. The protagonist couldn’t walk away or his friend would hang. However, he was doomed to get tired at some point. He couldn’t stand there forever. It was quite a predicament. I’m sure it ended badly.

Imagine if a random stranger had come along and asked these two guys if they’d be willing to sell him the rope. That’s pretty much how I felt when he offered to haul the fence away.

I mean, really? Sure. Heck, I’ll let you have the rust and concrete as well, no extra charge!

Comments (3)

  1. Eric says:

    I shall put in a new crappier fence, and since I know you won’t check this out you’ll never know.

  2. Shamus says:

    How on earth would you put in a crappier fence? You couldn’t make it uglier. Hellish Silent Hill had more attractive fancing. The only thing that would make it worse would be to make it dangerous.

    Make it out of radioactive metal? Electrify it? Put barbed wire on it?

  3. Tacoma says:

    On each fencpost there will crouch an ugly man with a laser chainsaw. They will all chew AND smoke tobacco. They will spit, belch, swear, and puff at anything nearby.

    A pressurized hose filled with whiskey will keep them from becoming too sober throughout the day.

Leave a Reply

Comments are moderated and may not be posted immediately. Required fields are marked *


Thanks for joining the discussion. Be nice, don't post angry, and enjoy yourself. This is supposed to be fun.

You can enclose spoilers in <strike> tags like so:
<strike>Darth Vader is Luke's father!</strike>

You can make things italics like this:
Can you imagine having Darth Vader as your <i>father</i>?

You can make things bold like this:
I'm <b>very</b> glad Darth Vader isn't my father.

You can make links like this:
I'm reading about <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darth_Vader">Darth Vader</a> on Wikipedia!

You can quote someone like this:
Darth Vader said <blockquote>Luke, I am your father.</blockquote>