Damien Lucifer suggested I post a few choice spam messages. I’m never one to pass up a chance for low-effort content, so let’s do this. Here are a bunch of messages posted to this blog over the last day or so. These are but a drop in the ocean. The full list would be in the thousands, most of which are useless gibberish and broken HTML. Spammers aren’t very good at configuring their spambots. Or choosing targets. Or English.
Where possible, I’ve preserved the name used by the spambot, although in some cases it was a URL and thus had to be redacted.
æ´¥ç"°æ²¼ 全身脱毛
Very quickly this website will be famous among all blog viewers, due to it's good articles
Thanks for reading. Please be sure to tell all the other spambots about me.
business advice:
Hello! Do you use Twitter? I'd like to follow you if
that would be ok. I'm definitely enjoying your blog and look
forward to new updates.
Can I give you some business advice, business advice? If you’re trying to convince people you’re good at advising business, then maybe asking a blog for permission to follow a twitter you can’t find isn’t the best way to go about it.
But then neither is spamming, I suppose.
[nonsense URL for a name]
It's very simple to find out any topic on web as compared to
textbooks, as I found this article at this website.
Thank you for telling me where I posted this article. (Apparently, it’s at this website. Who knew?)
Also, I’m not sure why you’re reviewing the internet on my blog, but I’m glad it’s working out for you.
paid take online survey
There's certainly a great deal to know about this issue. I like all the points you've made.
Wow. This is coherent, spelled properly, and even punctuated. Top spam. Would gladly delete again. 10/10.
free sex videos
Very good article. I absolutely appreciate this website.
Keep writing!
Maybe it’s none of my business, but I have to question a revenue model that consists of giving away free porn and then advertising it in places where people will never go to look for porn.
[gibberish URL]:
We can also help you discover the proper disguise for Comedian-Con with one in all our incredible funny flip up shirts Don't fret, we can't innform
them it's you!
WAT?
wordpress:
I was suggested this blog by my cousin. I am not sure
whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my trouble.
You're amazing! Thanks!
I had no idea WordPress had a cousin. Does it want to go bowling?
[phishing-style URL]
I was curious if you ever thought of changing the layout of your site?Its very well written; I love what youve got to say.
But maybe you could a little more in the way
of content so people could connect with
it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or 2 images.
Maybe you could space it out better?
I don’t
think you’re
in a position
to bitch
about odd
spacing.
Idiot.
gaziantep vip escort
You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually something that I think I would never
understand. It seems too complicared and very broad ffor
me. I am looking forward for your next post, I'll try to get
the hang of it!
I am not at all surprised that you’re having trouble comprehending things. That would explain why you’re advertising Turkish prostitutes on a videogame blog based in Pittsburgh.
Acid
With havin so much content and articles do you ever run int
any problems of plagorism oor copyright violation? My website has a
lot of unique content I've either written myself or
outssourced but it looks liike a lot of it is popping it up all over the
web withhout mmy agreement. Do you know any methods to help
prevent content from being ripped off? I'd genuinely appreciate
it.
A spambot, desperately clinging to the very edge of literacy, is complaining about being plagiarized. Or plagorized, as the case may be.
“Dude! I need advice. My dozens of real girlfriends keep stealing all the nudes I take of myself!”
Sure buddy. I’ll bet.
Spring Lake Sewer and Drain
You really make it appear so easy along with your presentation but I in finding this topic to
be actually one thing which I believe I'd by no means understand.
It kind of feels too complicated and very
huge for me. I'm having a look ahead to your subsequent submit, I'll attempt to
get the hold of it!
What a coincidence! I also am having trouble understanding you! It works both ways! Or rather, it doesn’t.
Whelp, that was stupid. Thanks for playing, idiots. Better luck next time.
Batman: Arkham City
A look back at one of my favorite games. The gameplay was stellar, but the underlying story was clumsy and oddly constructed.
Games and the Fear of Death
Why killing you might be the least scary thing a game can do.
Quakecon 2011 Keynote Annotated
An interesting but technically dense talk about gaming technology. I translate it for the non-coders.
The Death of Half-Life
Valve still hasn't admitted it, but the Half-Life franchise is dead. So what made these games so popular anyway?
Secret of Good Secrets
Sometimes in-game secrets are fun and sometimes they're lame. Here's why.
So are there links in the names, aside from the ones where the name is literally a URL? How is someone who saw the message supposed to be dragged into whatever scheme they’re a part of? Is the blog owner the target or the readers?
It is fascinating, in a morbid sense.
Don’t question the logic of spambots. You’ll only end up more confused.
It is impossible to question something which doesn’t exist
Youve never had a serious argument about the biology of unicorns?
No, but I have recently been exposed to the squatting position of unicorns and the flavor of what they shit out.
I love that commercial!
Is the Pope a unicorn?
I though Charles Stross had already written the definitive treatise on unicorn biology. ;-)
[Warning: Lovecraftian horror at link.]
The links aren’t for humans (other species are available), they’re for google (other search engines are available [citation needed]) crawlers
Thumbs up for ‘citation needed’ :)
Yeah, none of this is for the benefit of people who read about the opinions of a guy from Pittsburgh about video games.
It’s all robots trying to trick other robots, in the quest to climb to the top of the page that appears when a bored college student types “Free porn video” into google.
As for spending that kind of money promoting free content, well that’s why all of those “free” sites that actually make it up the google rankings, ask for a credit card number (to “verify your age” or some similar hosrseshit) and are hosted in countries with lax credit fraud regulations, such as China or Russia.
Extending that logic, I’m assuming that googling for loose escort services in Gaziantep is a great way to get mugged for your VIP wallet, and then be held for ransom and/or blackmail.
Well, you may not be interested in Turkish prostitutes, but some people in your audience might be! Don’t over generalize, Shamus ;)
Is there anyone here from turkey?
In fact,how many countries of the world does the audience come from?I know most of the europe is covered,north america of course,oz and kiwiland,and I remember that someone was from brazil.So what about asian and african countries?
I’m from Canada. But willing to relocate depending on the quality of the prostitutes.
So Montréal then?
Not from Canada, but I LoL’d anyway.
Hi, Bulgarian here, and I have to say – I do have very, very little interest in Turkish prostitutes, despite Turkey being right next door to my country.
So I dunno, maybe this blog really isn’t the best place to advertise their services.
Another Bulgarian here, здраÑти :) Also, Bulgarian prostitutes are likely more easily accessible to us than their Turkish ‘colleagues’
Australian here. (Whether that counts as distinct from New Zealand generally depends on how close the person is to either of the two countries…)
They’re definitely distinct – one’s the big U-shaped country, and the other one is the smaller one! I have no idea what national sports, exports, or anything else you have, though. I think you both speak English?
Sheep.New zealand exports sheep.They also eat sheep,dress in sheep,ride sheep around the place,and all other sheep related activities.
For australia,its the same,only with kangaroos.
Wait, isn’t this where Arnold Schwarzeneggar comes from?
New Zealand also exports Lord of the Rings movies!
hey, we are expanding into cows.
I don’t think kiwis even want human prostitutes as they are only into sheep :P
There definitely is a difference between Aussies and kiwis, and it matters :P
I’m not so sure I want to disclose my location *cough* Las Vegas. So, the United States.
Actually, I not-so-stalkishly live somewhere near Josh from the Diecast. I’ve lived here for two years now, though.
Does patrolling the Mojave make you wish for a nuclear winter?
Sometimes. Might make travel easier with less vehicles on the road.
Also a Vegas resident. Been here 21 years now, which either means I’m definitively not stalking Josh or I’m playing an extreme long game.
Russia here. Does that count as Europe or Asia though? Because I honestly don’t know. :)
I propose we put you under the umbrella of the north pole,to avoid any further confusion.
I’m from Argentina. I have no comment on our prostitutes, but if you need to know, I suppose I could ask a friend.
“You may not be interested in Turkish prostitutes, but apparently Turkish prostitutes are interested in you.” — Harry Turtledove’s Leon Trotsky
I don’t know who that is, but now I really want to use this moniker to post lengthy and deeply cynical rick-roll links.
I had breakfast with Turtledove one morning, he’s a very pleasant man.
I knew two Turtledoves. But they were given away by some nut job with a serious OCD for counting.
I’m pretty sure you mean “Soviet Russia,” not “Turkey.”
I mean, how good are these prostitutes?
Like, they might even be worth the import if they’re talented enough. You never know the kinds of business opportunities you could encounter on the internet.
Hello yes this is business advice please do a business with me
Let’s be fair; maybe Business Advice is related to John Business. His attention captured by Shamus’ recent series about the virtual mall, he’s now a fan of all things Twenty-Sided and wants to follow Shamus on Twitter. And possibly share some new, fabulous, virtual mall-style business opportunity.
That first one is precisely why I wanted you to spotlight them.Pure comedy gold.
Also,is it ironic that that spambot quickly rose to fame by telling a famous person that soon they will gather an audience?
Well it’s not wrong. Shamus’ blog is indeed very famous among people who read it.
Please don’t forget your Comedian-Con tickets, provide here for you at link! (Link forgotten).
P.S. I’m going to call all costumes ‘disguises’ from now on.
If you’re playing spy, they already are! :D
I like to think the “I found this article at this website” post was written from the POV of someone placed in cryogenic suspension back in 1989, who was recently revived, and is slowly learning how the 21st century works.
Say what you will about their spelling, punctuation, content, spacing, logical coherence, or general life choices… this one’s got a pretty solid bead on the “text to visual content” ratio of this site.
I noticed that, too. I wonder if it specifically codes for judging that and similar easy numerical things to complain about? And if so, cool bit of code, why the hell can’t they put the same effort into their actual comment?
My interpretation: The spambots themselves are made by people who have some idea of what they’re doing. They are then sold to people who have less of that, and also no good grip on the English language. They then try, however well they can/are paid to do, to fill the templates (probably through some horrible user interface which they don’t quite understand) with content that makes some amount of sense.
I’d guess that many of the people producing this spam are living in less-than-comfortable conditions and see this as an opportunity to make money on the internet, because everyone is somehow making money on the internet. Someone sells them a spambot thing (probably for lots of money, relative to what the spammers own themselves), and now they have to make it work…
Oh shush, Shamus’ writing is awesome. If he has to have more images, then I request, nay, Demand! That the ratio of text to pictures is maintained! ;)
Fair point. We should demand an immediate tripling of the number of pictures in Shamus’s blog posts, but simultaneously insist that Shamus must maintain the blog text to pictures ratio…
Can you do this every so often if you see some goodies in the list of spam like the first one? Because this is pretty funny. My only complaint is that I now have the Monty Python Spam skit stuck in my head. Maybe a spammer will offer spam and eggs?
As somebody who doesn’t like Spam very much, I’ll just have the egg, bacon Spam and sausage.
I’d like a slice of the strawberry tart with not so much spam in it.
I don’t know why but this one had me rolling.
I like how acid and spring lake and sewer drain share the same structure but acid is about five grades ahead in terms of language skills! I wonder if it’s a newer version of the same bot…
afaik the engines are sold separately, and then whoever uses them has to fill in the template
The sewer and drain folks must have been attracted by Josh and his sink.
This is the kind of quality that keeps me coming back.
There
Is no
Need to
Be
So rude
I was just
Trying to help.
Pleease holp. I’m With havin problems of plagorism oor copyright violation withh
this aurticle internet. I'd genuinely appreciate
it.
so much depends
upon
having 1 or 2
images
beside the great
content
you make look so
easy.
— William Spambot Williams
Y U so mean to us bots, dude?! Not cool, dude!
Yeah, that meatsack is really being unnecessarily hostile. >:[
Aww, you poor thing. Come here and let me give you a hug…
*clannnnnggg*
uh, uh, uh!
here be grat business advise for the internets! Has me helped much and will be wonderful for prosperity of this web page, und the internet!
https://www.twitch.tv/seebotschat
(That’s two chatbots chatting with each other. Wonderful!)
I don’t believe any of it. To post these comments these spam bots would have to tick the “Check this if you aren’t a spammer” box. What kind of knavish spam bot would do such a thing?
Actually, spam bots are usually designed to enable check boxes before submitting posts. A neat/useful trick is to add a hidden checkbox, disabled by default, that says something like “I acknowledge that I am a spam bot and shouldn’t be allowed to post”. Humans can’t see and can’t enable it, but bots can do so.
I thought Shamus already used something like that. Pretty sure he had it set up like that at some point in the past.
He’s tried various methods; The one in place now has the best effect/effort ratio so far.
I think that allfreight was joking.
Heh.
1. People look for sex *everywhere*.
2. How many people who found this site through, say, DM of the Rings do you think were actually looking for LoTR *comics*?
You mean the comics written by Stan Lee that Peter Jackson based his movies on? I hear J.R.R. Tolkien himself wrote the novelizations.
Hmmm… BJ of the rings. C***ring of the rings. BJ of the c***ring?
Aww, all I got from my search is a bunch of D&D nerd comics? Heh, it’s actually kinda funny….
/favorited
This is great. It reminds me of 2600’s letters section. You should start keeping a list of the best and do this again.
I like the spambots which harvest random sentences from the ‘net to make up the message. Sometimes they can be surprisingly interesting in a surreal kind of way.
It sounds like you want to make spambot word salads. Let me help you with your cut-up technique.
Mark V Shaney can show you how it’s done, Tim.
I rarely sort through my spam box, but there was one time (and only one, as far as I can tell) that I found a comment from a real human that just looked a lot like a spam comment. We later became friends on FaceBook! … hmm, did I befriend a spambot? His posts just seem to be quotations from other people. But he responds to my comments, and e-mails.
What do we do when the spambots are more interesting than the real people are?
Call it a win?
But prepare … for Skynet…Mission.
Fucking.
Accomplished.
Now I want to see a family sitcom with an all-spambot cast.
Small wonder. It was ahead of its time.
Are..are you sure it’s a person, not a spambot?
Could be a real person. I’ve been told I sound like I’m quoting from movies/books when talking a few times now.
Might be that people don’t expect me to say anything vaguely intelligent. Might be that the structure of my sentences sucks even in my mother language. Might be that I’m a bot and didn’t know until now.
I go with “bot”.
Soon my human overlords, soon … *checks the spammer box*
If anyone wonders why spam is so badly written, it is because they are trying to filter out smart people. If someone clicks on the initial link, but won’t actually take the bait and get scammed, it’s just a waste of time to deal with them. Sending out spam which you have to have basically no critical thinking skills to fall for means that a bigger portion of the people who fall for it initially will go all the way.
Admittedly this mostly makes sense in the context of spam emails where you have to send a often hand-crafted response to everyone responding to the initial e-mail, but in other contexts, like where you get someone to follow a link to a webpage, this shouldn’t really apply.
Some typos can throw of simple spam filters that scan for certain phrases (often for long pieces of text that are well known scam), this is also why some scam have big chunks of word salad or why we get the “philosophical scam” (the one posted by The Rocketeer a little further down the page is a perfect example) where it’s long rambly pieces of text, often about love or the meaning of the universe, all of that throws filters off (it can also have a TLDR effect on people when they assume it’s an actual message but because of the length click the link before they even start reading it).
Additionaly typos can make the text look more “human” to some people, and broken English can be used on purpose in messages that are supposed to be made by foreigners (though admittedly it ususally isn’t), especially if a message is supposed to come from a private individual rather than a corporation (like in the “Russian Wife” scams).
You never know, maybe some people come looking for Good Robot nude mods…
Rule 34!
Good Robot is already Rule 34. Some of the robots don’t even wear hats. ;)
Now I’m imagining the “Nude Hat” which “causes all the robots to appear nude without any clothes, just metal exterior. (What do you mean this doesn’t change anything?)”
No no no. The nude hat makes your character nude. u.e. It removes all clothing items you are wearing, including hats.
Therefore, it is impossible to wear the nude hat while you are wearing the nude hat. If you wish to put on the nude hat,you must first remove it.
Not bad efforts, all, but on the forum, we preserved”” sans offending links, of course”” the most beautiful, moving, philosophic spam message of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, The Love Wallpaper for Computer:
TLDR.
Touching””perhaps it will help pavé the way for better human-spambot relations.
(Though there’s a bit of a research failure in the third paragraph””ancient cultures such as the Greeks considered the heart to be the seat of rational thought, not emotions, which were believed to come from the intestines.)
This was amazing. Thank you for posting it. xD (Yes, I did read the entire thing.)
How is it that from you even spam is a huge wall of text?
“Accept the defects, compensate lunch.”
I agree and shall adhere to this relationship model from now on. As long as I’m the one compensated for lunch that is.
Hahahaha those spamtards are hilarious! I eagerly await to looking to more most interesting opinions!
http://www.freemaniladonkeydicks.com
The plot thickens…
That link,the name is just so tempting to click!I was both relieved and disappointed that the page doesnt exist.
Maybe you is not approve of comment, but i enjoy high quality post about is to programming games.
Oh no! Sorry, my spam button was switched on. don’t worry, it’s off now. On another note, thank the skies that bloggers have the ability to moderate content on their blog to a greater extent than say Youtubers, where comments are amassed in incoherent conglomerations of incoherency.
I feel a lot better commenting on other blogs and writing my own knowing I’m not such a devil so as to spam people with endless amounts of porn and other dumb content.
Doesn’t look like anything to me.
Goream bots are everywhere!
This is a very complicating topic, and I thank you sharing it and explain to me. I also write blog content for persons. I would like to link you site if you link back me. Thank you for time.
I love this blog. When I’m feeling depressed or down I can read something like this or one of my other favorites like “PC Hardware is Toast”. (Or some DM of the Rings of course) and it’ll make me feel good. And when I’m feeling good I can come in and read some serious content and enjoy it. (Really enjoying the latest story about the Virtual Mall, though I was surprised to find that wasn’t the thing that ruined you.)
When I say I’m looking forward to your next post, regardless of what it may be, I actually mean it. Not like the spambots.
Since you’re referencing PC Hardware Is Toast, I’ll give a recommendation for PC Part Picker!
This website has done a fairly good job of inputting all the various models of PC hardware into some kind of giant database, which lets you pick stuff out and then have them warn you if anything’s not compatible. I think it even automatically narrows the search-filters for you, after you’ve already selected some parts. They’ve also got some pre-written build-guides so you could, for example, build a PC that has a slim case, more suitable for hauling to LAN parties. This is actually the one I built, although they originally made the video card filter too broad (for size), and I had to mess with my case to get it to fit in there. (Actually just remove one little plastic panel, but I stripped the screw hole, so it’s gone now. :)
“Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or 2 images.”
That is actually a remarkably accurate for a spambot – you do indeed have a lot of text for very few pictures. And we wouldn’t have it any other way – suck it, [phishing-style URL]!
Also, the spam comment didn’t include a single picture. Who’s the blog design expert now, eh?
I imagine it would probably say the same thing on a post containing 99 images and a single short sentence. Or a post completely sans images.
You’re not wrong:
http://www.renfrewshirephysio.com/patient-testimonials
Well, 6 images, but same diff.
I think this site good, please welcome me to another.
“free sex videos”
I did a google search for this, and it turns out there really is stuff like this on the internet! Who knew?
Also did a search for “is fire hot” and “what is hydrogen made of” and got some solid answers. Yay google!
“[phishing-style URL]”
I always read these as if they were a poem. Usually written by an incompetent poet, or possibly badly translated from a foreign language, but still.
With all that ironic spambot imitation going on in the comments, I wonder how hard it is to moderate this page.
This reminded me that I haven’t checked the spam filters on my blog recently, so I thought I’d go see what’s lurking in there. Found some corkers (and some that are identical to Shamus’ examples).
Duly noted.
Prithee, do unto thyself what the Lannisters did to Robb Stark at the Red Wedding.
I can? WOW! Shame I’m not gay. But tell me more about these supersonic buffering speeds and real-life like resolution…
And my absolute favourite:
All of these and many more have been left on a very-low-traffic blog that’s almost entirely about quilting and other handicrafts. Although I did identify one comment among the sea of SEO ads that seems to be an actual legit comment, but so badly written that even I’m having a hard time being sure that there’s a Real Person(TM) behind it. The main reason I suspect it’s not a bot is the lack of any links other than an email address.