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Lord of the Demolitions Online

By Shamus
on Sunday Mar 7, 2010
Filed under:


This is not a photoshop.


I have issued a list of demands to the developers at Turbine. They must give my character exclusive access to a new “I fart in your general direction” emote, deliver me 100 bottles of black dye, rename Bree to Lulzytown, and let me use Gandalf as a ride-able mount. If they fail to meet these demands by midnight tonight, I will destroy the shire auction house.

Okay, actually this prompt is asking me if I want to throw away a piece of paper titled “The Auction House”, but they don’t need to know that. Don’t mess this up for me and I’ll let you have one of the bottles of dye.

Comments (40)

  1. kerin says:

    don’t worry, your secret is safe with THE INTERNET.

  2. Gahazakul says:

    Thats pretty great! Do they have a “Screenshot of the Day” or something along that line?

  3. Uselesstwit says:

    Dammit Shamus, I just got up. It’s to early to asphyxiate due to laughing so hard. Just the image of Gandalf being whipped to make him run faster is going to stick with me for awhile.

  4. Joshua says:

    OMG. My wife and I both LOL’d at that one. I seem to remember playing a similar game, but not sure. You could destroy The One Ring in that way too.

  5. BarGamer says:

    White horses ARE called grey.

  6. Pickly says:

    Reading your spoilered explanation, it’s still pretty funny how it got left in there.

  7. whitehelm says:

    I wasn’t fooled. The building is clearly called The Shire Auction HALL.

  8. Casper says:

    Congratulations on becoming a supervillain, Shamus! After all, you already have a horde of loyal internet minions ready to unleashed on anyone daring to plagiarize you. So what's next? Building a death ray? We could test either on France or Italy ;).

  9. Vladius says:

    MMORPGS would be a lot more interesting if they actually simulated a world where the trolls and greifers were all terrorists who could hold fictional places hostage for all of a few days or so. Garry’s Mod sort of does this already.

    • Sheer_Falacy says:

      For a certain definition of interesting, since the places would be held hostage 24/7 – the previous troll would no sooner leave (or be forced out) than a new troll would arrive.

      Giving griefers MORE power is really, really low on the priority list for MMORPG developers.

  10. Rutskarn says:

    Any luck so far? Because so far, the only thing your LP needs is a Gandalf that you can ride like a pony. Also, it’d give the lore nuts an aneurysm, and that’s always fun times.

  11. kmc says:

    Mmm, Treebeard mount. With extra saddle bag space for pipeweed and Hobbit breakfasts!

  12. Meredith says:

    I don’t know if I really want to ask this ;), but what exactly is the purpose of all that black dye?

    • Stranger says:

      He sees a white door and he wants to paint it black?

      Funny, and the second online game I’ve seen where you can vanity name objects.

    • NotYetMeasured says:

      Black Dye is the only color in LOTRO that is fairly expensive, especially for a lower-level character.

      • Stranger says:

        Black Dye is ALMOST ALWAYS the most expensive dye. Ultima Online, Pitch Black Dye Tubs were frequently stolen, their owners targeted for “ganking”, and so on. GuildWars, they sell for easily 15 times the usual color of dye (the only one coming close to it is White, and that’s in cycles).

        The only exception was EverQuest dyes, where the big seller was “any color you want with the 0-255 slider mixing”. Because for some reason they were given a huge base chance to fail :)

  13. UtopiaV1 says:

    I don’t care what you do to the auction house, just please… give me back my son!!!

    Where’s the bomb Shamus? WHERE?!?!?!

  14. Cronus says:

    This picture looks like it should belong at The Daily WTF. Thank you for the LOL Shamus! :-)

  15. Yahzi says:

    All this talk of Gandalf-whipping and nobody linked to this?


    Warning – way, way, way unsafe for work. Also, lame and amateurish.

    But still funny.

  16. Snook says:

    So for us iPod users – what is underneath the mysterious red blocks covering what I presume to be humorous text?

  17. spiralofhope says:


    > this prompt is asking me if I want to throw away a piece of paper titled “The Auction House”, but they don't need to know that. Don't mess this up for me and I'll let you have one of the bottles of dye.

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