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DM of the Rings LXIII:
Overly Requited Love

By Shamus
on Tuesday Feb 13, 2007
Filed under:
DM of the Rings


Aragorn hits on Eowyn in Rohan. Saving throw vs. disease.

Aragorn hits on Eowyn in Rohan. Saving throw vs. disease.

Aragorn hits on Eowyn in Rohan. Saving throw vs. disease.

Sometimes the most sadistic thing the DM can do to is to let the players have their own way.

Comments (134)

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  1. JabberwockyPie says:

    I am so grateful to the person who sent me this link. I’ve been waiting for this moment. XD

  2. Browncoat says:

    Shamus said, “Every weekend I sit down on Saturday morning and think, “This is it. I really am out of ideas this time. I'll never think of anything good.” I'll then cobble together some strips, and wince. Are these funny? Am I losing it? Then I'll post them, lots of people will like them, and at least one person will say they have a new favorite.”

    Well, Shamus, I have a new favorite! It was Episode LII, when the Three Hunters are about to go into Fangorn, and the DM tells them that it’s enchanted. I just got that. That was great.

  3. Steve says:

    This one is probably the closest to an actual D&D game dialog I’ve seen so far. Well done Shamus on getting the artwork just right too. The penultimate Eowin frame is absolutely perfect.

    Funny that I’ve seen this scene several times (hell, a very long time ago I played it, once) but I’ve never seen a player try and roleplay a serious crush or true love, both strong themes in many fantasy stories. You’d think there’d be a few players who went with the trope but I’ve never seen it done.

    Maybe it’s another facet of the essential discomfort inherent in the situation from a DM/Roleplayer standpoint. Maybe it’s the inevitability of any DM supplied cute romantic possibility turning out to be one of the demonic types that apparently make up two out of every three townspeople that cools the players ardour.


  4. Rachel says:

    Oh. My. God.

    I should know better than to read this at work – now I can’t breathe for laughing and my coworkers are all “bzuh?”

  5. scldragonfish says:

    ROFLMAO!!!! STD like a biatch!!!! Oh little Rangers beware.

    There was a ranger who used his wick,
    to poke everything like a stick.

    Then a blond beauty set his wick on fire,
    and no more little rangers would he sire.


  6. Vaya!

    The Eowyn shots are just perfect, especially the penultimate one. Its getting hard to laugh, I’m too reverent of the absolutely perfect match of screen shots with the plot. Then I started thinking of Aragorn’s dialogue with Gandalf (“look, could you cast, uhm, a spell of penicillin?”) and, yeah, it was pretty easy to laugh after all.

  7. Will says:

    That was totally better than the “Hot Coffee” mod. ;)

  8. pdwalker says:


    We knew our DM better than that. We’d know something bad would happen if we tried something along those lines. A disease would have been the least of our worries.

  9. ChristianTheDane says:

    Haha, this is seriously one of the best ones yet! :D

    I know i say that everytime, but this time its VERY seriously awesome ;)

  10. Lyz says:

    OH MY GOSH! I’m in pain. Seriously. …. Thank you. XD

  11. Kiwi C. says:

    Funny but… “discrete” means separate, and “discreet” means capable of keeping his mouth shut. You picked the wrong one, dude!

  12. Shamus says:

    Kiwi: Blast it. Fixed.

    And that one wasn’t even a typo, like most of my errors. I really thought I was using the right word.

  13. Skeeve the Impossible says:

    “Like I said hot” TEE HEE
    good one Mister DM, had me chuckling

  14. Thumper says:

    That’s the true purpose of the paladin’s immunity to disease.

  15. I’d yell at you for profaning Eowyn, but really… I’m just laughing too damn hard to get angry. Hehehe.

  16. […] this seems vaguely familiar… -J. Vogel no comments trackback this article comment on this […]

  17. Mordaedil says:

    Wow, that’s awesome. Brilliantly awesome. Because I said it a few strips ago. :p

    Not that Shamus necessarily stole my idea. We probably just thought the same thing. Which is called natural progression of story.


  18. Nazgul says:

    “That’s the same description I gave you for Legolas.” Bwah hahahaha!

    From the player’s point of view, probably the cruelest thing the DM did in this episode wasn’t the STD, but to deny him a chance to roll the dice for his seduction and just let him succeed.

    I find it really amusing that there never seems to be any shortage of good frames for Aragorn. The stringy hair, scruffy beard, the smirking and half-interested looks make it seem that you can really see the player’s personality coming through in the character.

  19. Jurrubin says:

    “I’ll call you sometime. Maybe.”

    My sides still hurt. Advice to readers: never eat a pound of barbecued ribs before reading Shamus’ posts.


  20. Gropos says:

    If there any girls there I want to dooo themm!

    I love this comic!!!

  21. vonKreedon says:

    “Nope. All done now….Yeah it was lots of fun.”

    That is great, the poor horny geek looking for any wiff of sex he can get and that’s it right there!

    OTOH, I once had to threaten a player, whose character had taken the Lechery disadvantage, with creative consequences if he did not finally, as in right now, get around to making a serious effort at seducing the lover of their NPC employer.

  22. Shamus says:

    I find it really amusing that there never seems to be any shortage of good frames for Aragorn. The stringy hair, scruffy beard, the smirking and half-interested looks make it seem that you can really see the player's personality coming through in the character.

    In hindsight, the ideal thing would have been to cast Aragorn as a dumb, distracted stoner. He spends about half of the movie blinking very, very slowly. I can come up with a shot of him looking baked or mouth-open stoopid in just about any scene. I should make a “I am so high” montage out of all these shots.

  23. hayball says:

    Wow. Shamus, I’ve been DMing D&D for years, and so far you’ve been right on all along. The only thing that I have had little problem with in my gaming groups is this. Mostly because we’re all grown-ups and pretty often the group has consisted of couples. Girlfriends and boyfriends and so on. I’ve been laughing so hard at times I’m all tear eyed. Thank you for this. I hope you find the power to finish it. Outstanding work. ;)

  24. Tonko says:

    Can I just say, I found this comic yesterday, and I love everything about it. I’m not a hardcore D&D player, but I have played enough that everything about this is familiar (the dice comic was totally me).

    My half-elven warrior once slept with a dwarf for information… she didn’t get any, and then the GM made me roll to see if the sex was any good. (It wasn’t).

    Anyway, kudos, and you’re awesome, and etc. I enjoy your other posts too–I’ve never played Neverwinter Nights 2, but I loved reading what pissed you off about it.

  25. [..]

    The only reason I’m not on the floor, rolling about in laughter, tears streaming out of my eyes is because I’m at work!

    (Note: I’m not sure how to do a proper trackback link thing, so am trying to replicate the linking style manually…)

  26. Vinchenze says:

    That was just cruel to do to him. Nice ending though.

  27. Rolld20 says:

    Wow, this week, on a very special Valentine’s Day ‘DM of the Rings’, love is in the Aragorn…
    Yeah, most games I’ve seen, romance is treated by the GM as either an annoyance to be hand-waved aside, or a death-trap.

  28. Tirgaya says:

    As a DM I never put anything in there that I am not prepared to actually run.

    This leads to a lot of extraordinarily hot NPC’s turning out to have lots of levels of bad attitude.

    Not to say that I haven’t run some interesting things, like Spartans. Oh dear that was a ha… um… difficult session. I put it there though so I ran it.

  29. Roy says:

    Heh. Oh, that’s funny.
    “Nope. All done now.” Awesome.
    (it’s “weird” I think, btw)

  30. Corwin says:

    What truly frightens me here is that my DM pointed at this particular strip and said it gave her ideas for our campaign. Thank Obad Hai that my character is far too much of a misanthrope to go after anyone in the game.

  31. Kyle says:

    Great work. Favorite is still LII, though. “Railroad tracks, I’m sure.”

  32. theonlymegumegu says:

    Man, those are always the terrible “god we really are a bunch of lonely geeks” moments, aren’t they…


  33. damien walder says:

    Wow. I have to say my DM let me off with a much nicer encounter- with a Drow tavern server who might have tried to cut my throat if I did anything wrong – than the wham bam thanks Banger, I mean Ranger (and funny again is how those two words read so very differently).

    My DM is not averse to the facts of life entering into the game-sphere. Most gamers being nerdish, and therefore socially stunted/disadvantaged/just plain shy and awkward, the default is nobody goes after the brass ring that is, after all, just a virtual hookup. On the other hand, it’s great can of worms to open and HEY, GUESS WHAT? you can get XP without killing anything (unless the encounter is on the rough side – eugh! I just creeped myself out!). XP for nerds as smooth operators – no STDs, no locking braces – thought there might ba an angry Dad or Clan, whatever.

    I just love that you’ve meshed the collective neurosis of the gamer group – so much for “Fellowship” in this Ring, eh? Maybe the Two Towers is a homoerotic comedy of errors? Return of the King shows Aragorn is for some mysterious reason _really_ tired for the final battle but CAN’T stop grinning? Heh! Elves visiting in the night will do that to ya…

  34. tk210 says:

    OMG this was the funniest one to date. EVERY game seems to involve some rendezvous with a chick in a bar or a castle. And yes, it skeeves me to no end to have to walk them through the details. ECH! I’ve just given up and turned all my female NPC’s into wayward women – when you turn the tables the players start acting like 5-year-olds on a playground and run. Great strip, man. I never laughed so hard at a comic…

  35. -Chipper says:

    Eeeww! Now I have to make a saving throw to preserve my former view of Eowyn intact. :-p

  36. Depaara says:

    I just got introduced to this truly oddball series last week. I have to say that this one has to be my favorite so far, even moreso than the ones about Monty Python. I used to DM for the horniest group of guys you ever saw, and I was always trying to make sure the story never got around to the romantic stuff. This is a technique I’ll have to use if I ever get the group together again. Thanks for the laughs, Shamus!

  37. Depaara says:

    I just got introduced to this truly oddball series last week. Thanks for the laughs, Shamus!

  38. Ryan says:

    This one had me in fits of uncontrollable laughter (as have several others).
    This is definitely one of the best comics ever!

  39. Rebecca says:

    New favorite! You worry for nothing!

  40. davwalp says:

    These comics are absolutely brilliant! My all time favorite is XXXVI:Hates the Dice! Hates Them Forever. This one ranks up pretty high though.

    In my old campaign group one of the players had a female character that was…quite friendly with the men. It got so annoying after awhile that the DM gave her a slew of diseases AND she got pregnant. Now that puts a damper on adventuring!

    Anyway, keep up the good work. I have been recommending this strip to anyone who has the slightest interest in LOTR.

  41. Rafe says:

    I’ve introduced so many friends to this site over the last week, and everyone loves it, myself included! Today’s was just so completely true, and like many others, I checked in from work and nearly hurt myself laughing. Making time to game hasn’t been a priority lately, but thanks to you, Shamus, I think I’ll just have to! Appreciate the laughs, and please keep ’em coming.

  42. Thomas says:

    Been Reading since strip two, this strip is really funny. Favourite still has to be Aragorn and his “keen ranger senses”.

  43. Hal says:

    It got so annoying after awhile that the DM gave her a slew of diseases AND she got pregnant.

    Boy, I’m not sure what a saving throw versus morning sickness is, but I’m betting it’s a doozy.

  44. Andre says:

    Well done, Shamus. Well done. This may be my new favorite.

    Let’s just say, “Let’s just say, you might want to find a discreet cleric in the next 1d6 hours” comes close to my old favorite line: “Ahem, tell me your name, horsefu(GIMLI!)er, and I’ll tell ye mine.”

  45. Andre says:

    and also “Oh no, are my keen ranger senses telling me I have to walk?”

  46. Andre says:

    oh, and “hark, thy faith sucketh?”

  47. Darkenna says:

    Boy, I'm not sure what a saving throw versus morning sickness is, but I'm betting it's a doozy.

    heh heh heh heh hehe heh *choke* *cough* *sputter* *dies*

  48. dpmcalister says:

    I did the exact same thing in a WFRP game I ran once. The player insisted on trying to bed the serving girl in some down and dirty tavern (aren’t they all in WFRP? ;)

    Of course, then the physician’s student (another player) badly failed his healing roll and caused real damage :D

  49. twee says:

    My brother just linked me to your comic and I’m so glad to see you’re still updating it! It’s fabulous, keep up the good work, I seriously need a good laugh to get me through the cold right now u.u

  50. Andy says:

    Our games are reasonably adult and therefore we have PCs forming relationships with NPCs and other PCs (the latter usually only within the game…) Once there was a half-orc female called Daisy (played by a guy – Barry, if you ever read this, you have not been forgotten!) who tried it on with any male NPC she encountered. She ended up pregnant, then got hit with a Haste spell. We suddenly realised that 1 year of instantaneous aging would affect her child as well. It was rather a speedy birth…

  51. Rolld20 says:

    Funny, I don’t remember STD’s on any of the MERP mishap tables.
    It definately should count as a ‘random encounter’. :o

    So, will Aragorn’s player warn the other party members, or let them find out for themselves why Eowyn’s only suitor is the desperate creepy guy?

  52. Alan says:

    Classic, simply classic. The screen caps were perfect!

  53. sturmhauke says:

    So now Aragorn has the clap. I’m going to pretend that Eowyn doesn’t, and that she somehow gave it to him by some trickery. Like, he thought he was with Eowyn but he got drunk first and made it with a stablegirl instead.

  54. Phil says:

    Every DM I’ve ever known would also have the player roll for chance of pregnancy at the end…

    Particularly amusing when it’s a male player with a female character, especially if their dice choose this moment to roll entertainingly!

  55. inara says:


    This reminds me of the time our group went exploring goblin tunnels. one of th eparty members decided to go streaking, and hug goblins.

    He got “Slimey Doom”.

  56. Ack says:

    I once ran a female half-orc with the lowest possible CHA I could pull for her, just for laughs. Her WIS was pretty crap too, so she thought she was not so bad looking – and for some reason the rest of the party was all elves, so she hit on them all. Even in combat. Attack of opportunity, don’t you know. >pinch

  57. Ubu Roi says:

    Twice, I’ve had players seriously chase women in (seperate) campaigns we played. I let both succeed; but I made them work for it — multi-encounter seduction attempts, with multiple rolls and game resources expended to woo the dames. One of them was exiled shortly thereafter. When he was able to return briefly 3 years later (real-time–the campaign lasted for several years), he found out he had a son. I’d been planning that surprise from the very beginning.

    Me? Evil? You betcha.

  58. Jperk says:

    We had ran a campiagn with some of the PC’s getting married and settleing down, they had kids and then the GM assainated all of them as a hook for an adventure.

  59. Santiago says:

    Ha-ha! That is way too on the money (especially since my usual long term GM and playing in my games WAS my college roommate).

    I’m so glad I found this place. Don’t ever stop updating.

  60. Darkenna says:

    Our Gaming group used to have a character named Blake. Blake the Liberator was his name; Blake the Unlucky was what we called him. He fell in love with a Moon Maiden, Tasha. Unfortunately, he didn’t know two things: (1) all Moon Maidens are twins, and (2) Moon Maidens reproduce the same way guppies do (fertilize them once, and they remain fertilized forever). Blake ended up accidentally married to Tasha’s twin sister Yuka, who bore twins (on which the Chaotically Chaotic cleric did a foretelling, which came out, “One of them is fine, but the other one needs to die.” Of course, he wouldn’t tell which was which). And then bore a second set of twins. And then a third. And then Blake discovered his error and switched to the correct girl. Who also bore repeated sets of twins. While Yuka kept bearing twins. Blake ended up constructing an adamantine golem to act as a nanny (only critter he could come up with that was indestructible enough to survive the experience). And the women kept churning out twin children. (He discovered later that they were the last two Moon Maidens and had decided they needed to repopulate. Tee hee.)

  61. Freefall says:

    Who knows, what if the desease is just a skam to 1) Get Arigorn away from her, 2) Get back at him for that, 3) Somthing to punish him for avoiding his railroading, and 4) Imbarrass him. Also, the dm was probally disconcerned by the fact that his college roommate had wanted to… you know… with the girl he was roleplaying.

  62. Steve says:

    [Darkenna] The Moon-“Maidens” were badly advised. The genetic pool their new race would have would be unfeasibly small and would visit the most gruesome consequences on the next generation.

    Blake. Liberator. Someone was watching too much British cheapo skiffy when this module was written.


    • WJS says:

      It’s pretty obvious that they don’t follow the normal rules of biology. These kinds of all-female species that must mate with humans (typically producing purebloods rather than halfbreeds) obviously don’t follow the rules of mundane genetics. Magic can do all kind of freaky things.

  63. diegomontoya says:

    I love these comics. they reduce me to helpless laughter everytime i read them. i just want to say that the comics are amazing and the DM tips very helpful!

    P.S. What do you do when your players are an evil party and decide rape is the best course of action? besides various grapple rolls that is.

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One Trackback

  1. By Kill the Wizard First » His screams are delicious on Tuesday Feb 13, 2007 at 1:35 pm

    […] this seems vaguely familiar… -J. Vogel no comments trackback this article comment on this […]

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