Perhaps I should recap the plot and gameplay before we squeak through to level two. You know; to allay any confusion.
I’m a Battlemage trainee. I know absolutely no magic, which means it’s time for my final exam–entering an extradimensional space called the Battlespire and performing entirely ambiguous trials. Or that was the plan, before the dremora senior prank ruined everything.
Turns out the Battlespire is being invaded by the daedra for some reason. In the process they’ve killed all of the staff and commandeered all the rooms full of academic lava, test-taking bottomless pits, and standarized assessment dragons. The perils of this repurposed Battlespire are real–one wrong step around a pit of magma and you’ll find yourself instantly detained without trial.
Not one to wilt in the face of confusing adversity, I gathered some pants, a sword that does nearly as much damage to my enemies as it does to my latissimus dorsi, quite a few scrolls that nearly comprise a narrative, and a collection of cogs that I’ve slapped heroically against an interactive object until the correct door opened. Now I’m stepping through a sinister mystical gateway to…uh? I should know this one.
Not the cafeteria.
The first thing I find in my little starting cubby is a note written by this game’s sole consistent character, a woman named Trenelle. Since the letter contains no hat-related words of praise, I’m assuming it wasn’t meant for me. The note identifies a specific daedra who may be behind the invasion, but–I mean, I know this is literally an academy, but that’s pretty fucking academic. And not my concern! I try not to get involved with my own local politics and I have absolutely never had a candidate for Board of Education try to cook my brains out my ears with witchfire. So let’s stick to plan “A,” which is Save Nobody, Escape Immediately.
The note does confirm that these sigil things I’m finding on corpses will help me get through sigil-bounded checkpoints. So if anybody asks, that’s why I’ve spent the past six hours murdering scamps and stuffed their glowing blue luggage down my pants. Also, enclosed with the note are a couple of health potions. I’ll just hang onto those. If the intended recipient is still alive, he’s welcome to collect the five bullshit cogs and teleport over here and politely request I return them. I’ll sling ’em right back, so long as I haven’t drunk them, washed my hands with them, or traded them for some Diet Sierra Mist.
I’m already liking this area better. Not to bag on the brown-rock-and-sudden-death-hole aesthetic of Level 1, but there was just something missing. Off the top of my head: staircases, guard rails, landmarks, intuitive floorplans. It’s a neat surprise that I’m able to identify which direction I’m currently walking in, and within two guesses, can even tell you which direction I’ve just come from.
My initial push has also put me up against one new enemy type. Riddle me this: what’s R.L. Stine on bottom, Nora Roberts on top, and Bethesda all over?
I also find plenty of areas gated off by those floating sigil thingies. Now I know those correspond to the sigils I’ve been taking off bad guys, I can finally go through my huge inventory of accumulated junk and confirm that absolutely none of them are still relevant. Well, that’s just typical. You spend your whole life collecting little bits of rubbish dropped by the people you kill only to find out they aren’t directly applicable to your life goals. There’s just no justice.
One by one, the mysteries are shriveling. If this rate of epiphany keeps up I might just figure out why they made this videogame.
NEXT WEEK: BREAKING AND ENTERING AND BREAKING
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Just made my day, man. :)
Guys, I think I’m bleeding…
It burns!
Im a bit dense,so I dont get the pun.Im glad you guys are erupting in laughter.
I can’t decide if the caption to the first image is deliberately ‘convection’, or a typo.
Maybe the lava invalidly conveyed you to the dungeon…
The trope is “Convection Schonvection”, where lava doesn’t kill you unless you make direct contact, since the air around molten rock is magically cool enough to not burn you on contact. This would not be expected if the process of convection redistributed (conveyed?) heat towards cooler parts of the surroundings.
You are correct in identifying that the word replaced is “conviction” except lava doesn’t arrest you in this game, so that would be silly.
WHAT IS GOING ON? … NOTHING MAKES SENSE!
No different from any other Bethesda game.
invalid convection? ugh! the puns! they hurt!
You mean they burn?
If he keeps using heat-related puns for this char adventure, I’m going to get mighty steamed. This is just setting out kindling for a flame war over the punishing wordplay. Shamus might boil over if this erupts into a roast. A conflagration like that might cause a simmering resentment among the hot-blooded commentators here. We just don’t need that kind of flare-up.
I don’t think that heated discussion is really conductive towards cooling the matter. Indeed, I think it may cause some attitudes to become incensed, and things may combust if they’re not properly ventilated. At least without a source of ignition, things will only radiate.
I’m no good at it, but well done, and props to Rutskarn for using Convection, ironically, properly in the physical sense.
+1 for brilliant, brain-melting puns
The real mystery is who is the team who made this and said “yes, this looks good”.
And how are their company insanely successful?!
The bar was a LOT lower back in those days…
To be fair even reading this series I am a bit tempted to give the game a go. Mind you, I have been replaying (and greatly enjoying) the old Might & Magic games recently so I’m loaded with nostalgia.
I just realized what this game’s inventory system reminds me of.
Apparently the mongoose is thinking it needs to hurry. Why are
mongeesemongoosesmongoosii so pushed for time, I wonder?Well, don’t bother asking the axolotl, it’s kinda newt to this.
The indestructible magic sigils thing would probably actually remove one of the bug bears of modern bethesda games “My warhammer weighs 60lbs, that locked door looks like some sort of pine…” “Nope”